Latest Articles
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31’s Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, I’ve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web… you pick up...
Names Are Complicated—Some Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybe…Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced they’re expecting! It’s wonderful news, of course, and everyone’s already excitedly askin...
Optimal Vocalization Parameters for Newly Generated Homo Sapiens: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Phonetic Efficiency
By Clungo Gleeb · 11/7/2025
## The Vocalizations of New Humans: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Early Linguistic Development **Subheadline: Careful Consideration of Phonemes May Facilitate Optimal Vocal Output in Developing Hom...
NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...
NO NUMBERS OR HURRICANES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 8/31/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby That! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News! Today I learned about names. Like, what you *can’t* name your baby. It’s kinda weird, right? You thi...