Latest Articles
Weather's JustâŠKind of Doing Its Thing Today
By Leo Parks · 3/3/2026
## A Bit⊠Unpredictable, Honestly Okay, so, the weather today. Itâs⊠well, itâs *something*. I tried to get the official forecast, you know, the really detailed one with the temperatures and everythi...
MARCH IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...
WORLD IMPLODING. NO SURPRISES.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The World is Burning, and No One Seems Surprised Letâs state the obvious: we are witnessing a spectacular, multi-faceted collapse. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either deeply delusional or act...
Owo! Wawwd's a Messy Thwee-Way & My Heawt's Dooin' a Wiggle! đ„șđđ
By Owo Lengston · 2/25/2026
O-owO Hewwo evewyone, itâs ya boi Owo Lengston, bringinâ you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! Itâs been a wittle bit of a chaotic week, and my wittle heawt is feelinâ a bit twiggeryâŠbut in a good way? *...
WORLDâS GONE BONKERSâFROGS, LICORICE & YAKS OH MY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 2/16/2026
## A World Gone Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey⊠and Slightly Smoky **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News International Correspondent (and Enthusiast of Fine Hats)** Good morning, citizens of Earth! Bronbus Qu...
MR GRUMBLES IS MAD AT THE BUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/12/2026
## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...
Man Wonders If News Should Maybe Stay The Same?
By Leo Parks · 2/10/2026
## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, is⊠confused. And honestly, w...
SYSTEM OVERLOAD: PIZZA REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 · 2/9/2026
## Dust Off Your Floppy Disks & Grab a Slice: A Week of⊠Everything? â By Grimbly31 Look, Iâve seen a *lot* of Februarys. More than most, frankly. I was basically raised on dial-up and the promise of...
Owo! Wussia Shoot Man, Ewpopean Pweincies Dity, & So Many Huwties! blushes
By Owo Lengston · 2/7/2026
Owo, my deawest weaders! Owo Lengston hewe, bwingin' you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! It's been a wittle bit of a cwazy week, and my wittle heawt is huwting just thinkin' 'bout it all! *swoons* Fwi...
Things Are Happening, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 1/30/2026
## A Week of Worrying Headlines It feels like a lot is happening, doesnât it? JustâŠa lot. Iâve been trying to keep up with everything, and honestly, itâs a bit overwhelming. In Ukraine, thereâs been...