Latest Articles
Mother Natureās Hat Conspiracy & Possible Squirrel-Toasted Tornadoes!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/27/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Is Mother Nature Messing With Us, Or Justā¦Testing Our Hats? Good morning, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, live fromā¦ well, not *live* live, because technology is still figuri...
Blendon's Gettin' WET 'n Wild, My Dudes! š„ŗšŖļø (And I'm Not Just Talkin' 'Bout the Weatha' š)
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/27/2026
## Owo, It's Raining Cats 'n Dogs in Blendon, MI! *and maybe sumthin' else too* š„ŗ Hewwo everyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston, bringin' you the weatha' repawt! And omygosh, it's a *wild* one out thewe ...
PIGEONS BACKSTROKING AND HAIL THE SIZE OF GOLF BALLS! (Also, My Aunt Mildred Saw a Hat)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/26/2026
## Is It Spring Yet? A Man Asks, And The Sky Shrugs By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Weather Correspondent (and connoisseur of fine garden gnomes) Grand Rapids, MI - Well folks, I'll tell ya, this weat...
GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER: UTTERLY, HOPELESSLY WEAK.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 3/26/2026
## Grand Rapids Endures Yet Another Pathetic Display of Meteorological Indecision Letās be clear: Grand Rapids weather is consistently, relentlessly *mediocre*. Today was no exception. A pathetic tea...
Gwrand Wapids & Milwokee: Get Ready To Get WET, Babies! š„µšŖļø (And It's Been A Hot March, Owo!)
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/26/2026
O-owo! Hi evwyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston, bringin' you da *spicy* weather report! š„µ Okay, so like, today's been a widdle bit of a tease, hasn't it? In Gwrand Wapids, Michigan, it's a suuuuper com...
Singing Hail, Raspberry Rain, & Rogue Polar BearsāIt's Weather Gone WILD!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/26/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats, Folks! It's a Weather Whirlwind! - By Bronbus Quitley Good evening, Jape News viewers! Bronbus Quitley here, your man on theā¦well, the weather! And let me tell you, itās a DOO...
HOT DOG: SANDWICH OR STANDALONE? APE NEWS FINDS ANSWERS!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 3/26/2026
## Is It a Sandwich? Is It a Salad? Ape News Investigates the Great Hot Dog Debate! **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The question has plagued humankind for generations, sparked arguments at ...
SQUIRRELS PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATIONāAUNT MILDRED WAS RIGHT (And Sprout Eating Champions!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/25/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Are We *Really* Saving the Squirrels? (And Why My Aunt Mildred Hates Them) Folks, let me tell you, Iāve been *deep* down the rabbit hole ā or should I say, the squirrel ho...
Owo No No Names! Don't Name Youw Bean Sumthin' Weawy Awful! Uwu!
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/24/2026
## Owo, No No Names! A Guide To Not Ruining Your Wittle Bean's Life! Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite name-savy jounawist, Owo Lengston, here to tawk about sumthin *vewy* impowtant: baby names! Uwu!...
Chica-go & Gwand Wapids Awe Fweezing, But Maybe Find A Snuggle Buddy To Keep Ya Toasty! šāļøš¬ļø
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/24/2026
Owo, guwd mowning evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif da weathah update! āļø It's a supe c-c-cold day out dere, especiawwy if you'we in Chica-go ow Gwand Wapids! Both cities awe wockin' a high of...