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BIRDS TOOTING SECRETS REVEALED! (My Aunt Mildredâs Budgie Knows EVERYTHING)
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Do Birds⊠*Toot*? A Deep Dive (and a Few Hunches) â By Bronbus Quitley Right, alright settle down folks, settle down! You came to Jape News for answers, and Bronbus Quitley *delivers*. Todayâs que...
PIGEONS FROM SASKATCHEWAN SPELL OUT DEMANDS VIA RAIN AND MAPLE SYRUP WIND!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Windy City, Wet Day, and⊠Pigeon Migration Patterns?! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, is it a *day* out there. A day for ducks, a day fo...
Squiwwies Need Nuuuuts AND Sum Owo Lengston Luv! đ„șđ°đ
By Owo Lengston · 3/30/2026
## Owoh My Gosh, Da Squiwwehs Need Ouwu! đ„șđżïž Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and today we're talkin' 'bout sum *vewy* impowtant wittle fluffballs: squiwwehs! I've been doin' some wesea...
SQUIRRELS PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATIONâAUNT MILDRED WAS RIGHT (And Sprout Eating Champions!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/25/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Are We *Really* Saving the Squirrels? (And Why My Aunt Mildred Hates Them) Folks, let me tell you, Iâve been *deep* down the rabbit hole â or should I say, the squirrel ho...
SQUIRRELS ARE DATA MINING YOU, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
By Grimbly31 · 3/19/2026
## They Were Always Watching, Man. Always. Look, Iâve been online since before most of you were *gestating*. I remember warez boards, BBSes, the whole nine yards. We used to talk about surveillance s...
BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026
## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of âBee Carpetsâ Letâs address the elephant â or rather, the *swarm* â in the room. âBee carpets.â The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...
Squirrel Activists Employ Holocaust RhetoricâAre They Nuts?
By Ronald Peabody · 3/10/2026
## Are âSave the Squirrelsâ Saving⊠or Silently Suffering? Now, I like a squirrel as much as the next fella. Theyâre industrious little critters, burying nuts, livinâ off the land. A symbol of Americ...
Bwirdie Bums: No Tooties?! Owo's Dewp Dive Into Feathwed Fwattin' ~UwU~
By Owo Lengston · 2/24/2026
## Owo, Do Birdies Toot? A Deep Dive Into Birdie Bottoms! ~UwU~ Hewwo Jape News weadews! Itâs yer boy, Owo Lengston, hewe to twackle a vewy impowtant question today: Do bwirdies fawt?! I mean, imagin...
BIRDS MAY TOOT! Ape News Digs Deep!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026
## Do Birds⊠Toot? Ape News Investigates **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent** For generations, a question has plagued ornithologists, bird watchers, and frankly, anyone whoâs spent sign...
Crows Are Actually Really Neat, If You Think About It
By Leo Parks · 2/17/2026
## Our Feathered Neighbors: A Look at the American Crow Okay, so, you see them everywhere, right? Big, black birds. Crows. I have to admit, I used to just⊠not really *think* about them. But I was do...