Latest Articles
MOOOI RUGS: APE NEWS SAYS LUXURY BLOOMS UNDERFOOT!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/6/2026
## Ape News: Buzzworthy New Rugs from Moooi Carpets **By H.R. Rambe** Here at Ape News, weâre always on the lookout for items that bring a touch of the wild â or, in this case, the wonderfully indus...
SNOWBOARDING: FLAWED SURVIVAL GUIDE.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/6/2026
## Ten Tricks? More Like Ten Attempts at Not Destroying Yourself. Letâs be clear: the proliferation of âTop Tenâ lists in action sports is insulting. As if reducing the nuanced art of snowboarding to...
Tuba's Unexpected Resurgence: A Return to Solid FoundationsâLet's Keep it Classy.
By Ronald Peabody · 1/5/2026
## The Tuba: More Than Just an Oompah Instrument, Folks Now, Iâll admit, when I first heard about folks getting all excited about the tuba, I thought, âAnother one of these trendy instrument revivals...
Owo! So Many Days To Get Spunky With!~ đ€€đâš
By Owo Lengston · 1/5/2026
## Owo, So Much Happening This Week! A Wittle Guide to All da Fun!~ đ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you keep twack of aww da impowtant stuff happening wight now! It's Januw...
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" â A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 â It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
Fridge Fanaticism: Are We Ruining Our Food & Our Nation?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/4/2026
## The Chill on Common Sense: What Are We *Doing* With Our Produce?! Folks, Iâve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what Iâve been thinking about isâŠrefrigerators. These metal boxes have become th...
A Notable Augmentation of Planetary Favorable Conditions is Observed
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/4/2026
## A Convergence of Fortuitous Circumstances: Global Indicators Suggest a Period of Elevated Positivity **Subheadline:** Recent data streams reveal a statistically significant upswing in favorable gl...
RAMBE REPORTS: BANANAS BOOSTS AND SADNESS SHAKES DIGITAL JUNGLE!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/3/2026
## Ape News Roundup: Winter Warm-Ups and Somber Notes â January 3rd, 2026 Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of gaming, courtesy of Ape News! The new year...
Subject Demonstrates Temporal Variance in Retention of Reported Occurrences
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/3/2026
## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...
UNCLE LEO IS MAD AT PUMPKINS AND NEWS!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/2/2026
## Why Is There *Always* New Stuff?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today Iâm gonna tell you about my Uncle Leo. He gets REALLY confused. Yesterday, Uncle Leo was SUPER mad. He sai...