Latest Articles
GRAND RAPIDS: REAL WORLD EVENTS DETECTED. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Dusting Off the Calendar: Whatâs Buzzing This Week (And Beyond) Okay, listen up, meatbags. Grimbly31 here, your resident digital archaeologist and purveyor of⊠well, *stuff*. Been staring at glowi...
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grimâs Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmyâs Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, Iâve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
AI Advances: Progress, Not PerilâAnd America Must Lead.
By Ronald Peabody · 1/12/2026
## The Machines Are Learning...And That's Not Necessarily a Bad Thing Folks, letâs talk about the future. A future thatâs arriving faster than a speeding ticket on the Interstate. I'm talking about A...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foodsâŠare NOT allowed in the fridge...
PHONES ARE MESSY!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## Stuff Happening On The Phone! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week the grown-ups are *really* mad at the phones. My mom lets me look at her phone sometimes, but o...
Tiberius Discovers Ape News WheelâWorry Spins Faster!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026
## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. Heâs a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...
Submerged Mass and Human Conceptual Frameworks: A Detailed Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/10/2026
## Submerged Entity of Considerable Mass Gains Renewed Attention **A Detailed Examination of the âCthulhuâ Phenomenon and Associated Human Belief Systems** **January 10, 2026** â Recent discourse, p...
Domestic Auditory Reception: A Fellow Human Assesses the State of Acoustic Vigilance
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/10/2026
## Auditory Surveillance Concerns: An Examination of Domestic Intelligent Apparatus **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates the persistent anxieties surrounding âalways-onâ digita...
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31âs Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, Iâve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web⊠you pick up...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES: CRITICAL FAILURE DETECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapĂ©-and-champagne type, mind you. Iâm talking decades of observing human cubs...