Latest Articles
KEYS GONE WHERE DID THEY GO?!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/4/2026
## Uh Oh. Where *Did* They Go?! By Jerome Skinly, Jape News It is… a problem. A BIG problem. I lost my keys! Mommy says keys are *super* important because they open things. Like the door to our hous...
BIRDS TOOTING SECRETS REVEALED! (My Aunt Mildred’s Budgie Knows EVERYTHING)
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Do Birds… *Toot*? A Deep Dive (and a Few Hunches) – By Bronbus Quitley Right, alright settle down folks, settle down! You came to Jape News for answers, and Bronbus Quitley *delivers*. Today’s que...
YOUNG APES DEMAND FEELINGS, DANCES, NEW SHINY! - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026
## Bananas and Bonding: What’s Happening with the Youngsters? **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And not just the literal one I sometimes reminisce about. Keepi...
Newgrounds Seems To Be… Happening?
By Leo Parks · 4/4/2026
## The Vibes Are…Different? A Look at What’s Trending on Newgrounds Okay, so, um, Newgrounds. It’s still a thing! A *big* thing, actually. I went down the rabbit hole recently, trying to, you know, s...
Fortnite Has A Lot Going On, It Seems.
By Leo Parks · 4/4/2026
## A Lot's Been Happening in Fortnite, Honestly Hey everyone, Leo Parks here. It feels like every time I open the Fortnite app these days, *something* new is happening. It’s…a lot. I just wanted to t...
ROBOTS NEED BETTER GRIPS AND MAYBE NO HEADS—DR. PLUMTART TOLD ME SO!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Where's My Mech, Already?! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, and I gotta ask – seriously, *where are the giant robots?* I mean, it's 2026! I was promi...
NAMES ARE FOREVER. I’VE SEEN THE BURN RATE.
By Grimbly31 · 4/4/2026
## Grimbly31's Guide to Not Dooming Your Kid's Life: A Primer on Baby Names (Because I've Seen Some Things) Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was cool, okay? Raised by BBS boards and the early web...
NATION HIT BY WEATHER CHAOS – APE NEWS WARNS OF TORNADOES SNOW!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026
## Wild Weather Grips the Nation - Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good evening, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest on a truly… *dynamic* weather...
Pigeons, Squirrels & Presidential Nightmares: The Names DESTROYING Your Baby’s Future!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Bronbus Quitley’s Absolutely Definitive (and Scientifically Proven!) Guide to Baby Names You Should RUN From Okay folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert on… well, ...
HOT DOG: SANDWICH, TACO, SALAD?! APE NEWS INVESTIGATES!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026
## Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches? Or… Salads?! – Ape News Investigation **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The great culinary debate rages on, fellow apes! Here at Ape News, we’ve dedicated signific...