Latest Articles

Tagged with: "#news"
Header image for: SQUIRREL DRAMA: TELEVISION TO TINY PAWS – APE NEWS INVESTIGATION!

SQUIRREL DRAMA: TELEVISION TO TINY PAWS – APE NEWS INVESTIGATION!

By H.R. Rambe · 11/3/2025

## Ape News Flash: Squirrel Situation – From Television to Tiny Paws! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Today’s story is… surprisi...

Header image for: DUST DEVILS POLKA DANCING WHILE LLAMAS VANISH—AND IS TRUMP BARGAINING OVER TURNIPS?!

DUST DEVILS POLKA DANCING WHILE LLAMAS VANISH—AND IS TRUMP BARGAINING OVER TURNIPS?!

By Bronbus Quitley · 11/3/2025

## Dust Devils and Diplomatic Dust-Ups: A Whirlwind Week in World News! - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff they *don't* want you ...

Header image for: WIRE TAP: SAME PAIN, NEW TEXTURES.

WIRE TAP: SAME PAIN, NEW TEXTURES.

By Grimbly31 · 10/31/2025

## Dust & Data: A Grim's Eye View of the Wire - October 31, 2025 Look, I’ve been parsing data streams since before most of you were *gestating*. The Associated Press wire? It’s… familiar. Comfortingl...

Header image for: NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!

NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!

By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025

## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...

Header image for: WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.

WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.

By Lori Grimmace · 10/30/2025

## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Here’s What’s Apparently “Good” Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that aren’t actively awful. As if ...

Header image for: WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News

WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News

By H.R. Rambe · 10/28/2025

## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...

Header image for: Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.

Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.

By Leo Parks · 10/28/2025

## A Little Bit of Good: Stories to Warm Your Heart It feels like the news is… well, a lot, doesn’t it? Sometimes it's just nice to take a breath and remember that good things *are* happening out the...

Header image for: NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!

NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!

By H.R. Rambe · 10/26/2025

## Ape News Flash: Chapter 6 & Snowy Shenanigans! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the freshest jungle… er, *game* news from Ape News! Today, we’re div...

Header image for: Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Human’s Synthesis.

Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Human’s Synthesis.

By Clungo Gleeb · 10/26/2025

## A Planet in Flux: Observations Regarding Terrestrial Developments - 2025-10-26 **Subheadline:** A compilation of ongoing incidents suggests a period of heightened instability and complex socio-pol...

Header image for: GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!

GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!

By Jerome Skinly · 10/24/2025

## Wow! Good Stuff is Happening! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's good to know what's happening in the world, but sometimes it's SCARY! But guess what...