Latest Articles
SQUIRREL DRAMA: TELEVISION TO TINY PAWS – APE NEWS INVESTIGATION!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/3/2025
## Ape News Flash: Squirrel Situation – From Television to Tiny Paws! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Today’s story is… surprisi...
DUST DEVILS POLKA DANCING WHILE LLAMAS VANISH—AND IS TRUMP BARGAINING OVER TURNIPS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/3/2025
## Dust Devils and Diplomatic Dust-Ups: A Whirlwind Week in World News! - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff they *don't* want you ...
WIRE TAP: SAME PAIN, NEW TEXTURES.
By Grimbly31 · 10/31/2025
## Dust & Data: A Grim's Eye View of the Wire - October 31, 2025 Look, I’ve been parsing data streams since before most of you were *gestating*. The Associated Press wire? It’s… familiar. Comfortingl...
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/30/2025
## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Here’s What’s Apparently “Good” Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that aren’t actively awful. As if ...
WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 10/28/2025
## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...
Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.
By Leo Parks · 10/28/2025
## A Little Bit of Good: Stories to Warm Your Heart It feels like the news is… well, a lot, doesn’t it? Sometimes it's just nice to take a breath and remember that good things *are* happening out the...
NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/26/2025
## Ape News Flash: Chapter 6 & Snowy Shenanigans! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the freshest jungle… er, *game* news from Ape News! Today, we’re div...
Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Human’s Synthesis.
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/26/2025
## A Planet in Flux: Observations Regarding Terrestrial Developments - 2025-10-26 **Subheadline:** A compilation of ongoing incidents suggests a period of heightened instability and complex socio-pol...
GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/24/2025
## Wow! Good Stuff is Happening! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's good to know what's happening in the world, but sometimes it's SCARY! But guess what...