Latest Articles
SKY IS GREY PUFFY MAYBE RAIN!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 3/24/2026
## The Sky is Doing Stuff! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today the sky isā¦ doing stuff. My mom said it's called āweather.ā It's not raining RIGHT now, but it *looks* li...
Late March Freeze: Another Excuse to Complain?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/24/2026
## A Chill in the Air, But Hope on the Horizon for Grand Rapids Folks, letās talk about the weather. Not the kind of weather we *want* to talk about, mind you ā the kind that reminds you winter isnāt...
Chica-go & Gwand Wapids Awe Fweezing, But Maybe Find A Snuggle Buddy To Keep Ya Toasty! šāļøš¬ļø
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/24/2026
Owo, guwd mowning evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif da weathah update! āļø It's a supe c-c-cold day out dere, especiawwy if you'we in Chica-go ow Gwand Wapids! Both cities awe wockin' a high of...
It's A Little Cold Today, But It's Getting Better Soon, Hopefully
By Leo Parks Ā· 3/24/2026
## A Bit Chilly Out There, Folks Good morning, Grand Rapids! Or, well, good *almost* afternoon. Itās Leo Parks here, and honestly? Itās a little nippy. I just popped outside and, yep, definitely snow...
TRADITIONAL WINTERS UNDER SIEGE: IS PROGRESS THREATENING OUR WAY OF LIFE?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/24/2026
## Unseasonable Warmth: Are We Trading Snow for Showers Too Early? Folks, Iām looking out my window here at Jape News headquarters and frankly, it feels more like April than late March. Now, Iām not ...
WIZARDS IS SQUANDERING MAGIC. PERIOD.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 3/22/2026
## The State of the Game: A Grim Assessment of Magicās Trajectory Letās be blunt. Magic: The Gathering isn't *thriving*; it's navigating a chaotic mess of its own making. The past year has been a tex...
BIRD GAS: Is the Left Covering Up a Silent Threat to America?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/21/2026
## A Silent Threat to National Security? The Truth About Bird Flatulence Folks, Iāve been reporting on the issues that *matter* for Jape News for a long time now, and I thought Iād seen it all. But t...
ICY START THAWSāAPE NEWS REPORTS SUN BREAK!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 3/19/2026
## A Chilly Start, a Glimmer of Warmth ā Ape News Weather Report Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Here in Grand Rapids, itās a bit of a mixed bag today...
SQUIRRELS ARE DATA MINING YOU, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 3/19/2026
## They Were Always Watching, Man. Always. Look, Iāve been online since before most of you were *gestating*. I remember warez boards, BBSes, the whole nine yards. We used to talk about surveillance s...
WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 3/17/2026
## This Weather is an Insult Letās be clear: the weather isnāt *interesting*. It simply *is*. And right now, itās offensively mediocre, bordering on actively hostile. Reports are flooding in ā natura...