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By Bronbus Quitley · 3/31/2026

## Hold the Phone! It's a Holiday Hurricane! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to… well, everything! And boy, oh boy, is *everything* happening th...

By Clungo Gleeb · 3/31/2026

## A Convergence of Observances: Navigating the Terrestrial Calendar, April 1st - 6th, 2026 **A Comprehensive Report for Fellow Humans Regarding Scheduled Societal Rituals** This correspondent, Clun...

By Clungo Gleeb · 3/31/2026

## A Proliferation of Designated Observances: A Human Week Commences **Subheadline:** A compendium of calendrical events, from solemn religious practices to the appreciation of cylindrical writing im...

By Owo Lengston · 3/31/2026

# Owo, So Many Hoidays Dis Week! 🥺✨ H-hewwo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to tell you about *all* the fun stuff happenin' dis week! It's gonna be a busy one, so get ya calendars weady an...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/31/2026

## A Busy Week Ahead – Ape News Has You Covered! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. It’s 2026 and a truly packed week is unfolding before us, filled with ...

By Ronald Peabody · 3/31/2026

## A Week of…Observations Well, folks, another week is upon us, and it seems the calendar is busier than ever. Seems like every day has *something* attached to it these days. I always say, a little c...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/31/2026

## A Week of Celebrations & Commitments – Ape News Roundup! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. It’s a busy week, packed with days for fun, reflection,...

By Owo Lengston · 3/31/2026

## Owo, So Much Happenin' Dis Week! 🥺 Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and wemember to weaw ya pants 'cause it's gettin' *wild* dis week! So many fun days and stuff, I almost lost my wittl...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/31/2026

## Another Week, Another Avalanche of… *This*. Honestly, does anyone even *keep* track anymore? It seems like every single day is “National Something-or-Other” now, a desperate attempt to inject mean...

By Bronbus Quitley · 3/31/2026

## Hold the Mayo! A Week of… Stuff! - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, good mornin’! Bronbus Quitley here, your purveyor of… well, purveyor is a strong word. Let’s say “reporter” for Jape News. And b...