Latest Articles

NO NAME BUTT!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/20/2026
## Names You Should NOT Pick! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom is having a baby soon and we are picking a name. But my mom showed me a list of names you SHOULDN'T use. It was a R...

NAMES MATTER: Saving Our Kids From Ridiculous Trends.
By Ronald Peabody · 2/13/2026
## A Tradition Under Threat: Protecting Our Children â and Our Heritage â One Name at a Time Folks, Iâve been thinking a lot lately about the direction this country is headed. Seems like common sense...

Owo! Don't Name Your Baby Nutella, OwO! đ„ș It's Fow Eatin', Not Lifin'! âš
By Owo Lengston · 2/4/2026
# Owo! No-No Names: A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Little Bean's Life! đ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: baby names! đŒ I get it, pickin' a ...

DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31âs Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, Iâve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web⊠you pick up...

Names Are ComplicatedâSome Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to MaybeâŠSkip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced theyâre expecting! Itâs wonderful news, of course, and everyoneâs already excitedly askin...

Optimal Vocalization Parameters for Newly Generated Homo Sapiens: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Phonetic Efficiency
By Clungo Gleeb · 11/7/2025
## The Vocalizations of New Humans: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Early Linguistic Development **Subheadline: Careful Consideration of Phonemes May Facilitate Optimal Vocal Output in Developing Hom...

NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...

NO NUMBERS OR HURRICANES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 8/31/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby That! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News! Today I learned about names. Like, what you *canât* name your baby. Itâs kinda weird, right? You thi...