Latest Articles
BELICHICK DELAYED! HUMANS NEED BANANA-LEVEL LOGIC - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 1/29/2026
## Apes Reflect on Gridiron Glory and Olympic Dreams - Ape News, January 29th, 2026 The jungle drums have been beating with tales from the sporting world, and your correspondent, H.R. Rambe, has been...
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SECRETLY POETRY & I ONCE ARM-WRESTLED ANDRE (HE LET ME WIN)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitley’s Deep Dive into the Strangely Spectacular World of Wrestling Move Names! Folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of wrestling in my time. A LOT. Back in ‘83, I once arm-wrestled And...
WRESTLING NAMES ARE PATHETICALLY STUPID.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026
## The Absurdity of Aggression: When Wrestling Moves Get…Creative Let’s be clear. Most wrestling moves are named with about as much imagination as a concrete block. A spinebuster *busts the spine*. G...
Owo, Da Wesslin' Moves Awe Makin' Me Blush & Giggle! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 1/20/2026
## Owo, Da Moves Are So SILLY! - By Owo Lengston Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tawlk about sumfin *weally* impowtant. Like, vewy, vewy impowtant. It's about wessling moves! But n...
Owo! Wwesstling Moves With Vewy Spicy Names?! ~uwu~
By Owo Lengston · 1/17/2026
## Owo, Did You See That?! A Look at Wwesstling's Wackiest Move Names! ~uwu~ H-hewwo, fwiends! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant. No, not… uh… *that* kinda impo...
CLOWNS: AVOID.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/16/2026
## Painted Faces, Empty Souls: A Dissection of the Clown Let's be clear: the recent resurgence of "clown appreciation" is nauseating. These garishly painted figures, historically and presently, are n...
Submerged Mass and Human Conceptual Frameworks: A Detailed Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/10/2026
## Submerged Entity of Considerable Mass Gains Renewed Attention **A Detailed Examination of the “Cthulhu” Phenomenon and Associated Human Belief Systems** **January 10, 2026** – Recent discourse, p...
Owo! So Many Days To Get Spunky With!~ 🤤💖✨
By Owo Lengston · 1/5/2026
## Owo, So Much Happening This Week! A Wittle Guide to All da Fun!~ 🥺 Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you keep twack of aww da impowtant stuff happening wight now! It's Januw...
FORTNITE HAS KIM KARDASHIAN AND A TREE!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/30/2025
## Fortnite is SO COOL Right Now! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I REALLY like Fortnite. A LOT. My big brother tells me all about it and I’m gonna tell *you* about it now! So, like, a bunch of ...
SLIME AND STUFF IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/16/2025
## Kids Are Doing WHAT?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom lets me write for Jape News sometimes. I've been watching all the kids at school, and stuff is… different now! Like, REA...