Latest Articles
HOLIDAYS ARE HAPPENING EVERYWHERE INCLUDING ZEELAND (And Possibly With Pigeons)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/16/2026
## Is It A Holiday? Who Knows Anymore?! (A Bronbus Quitley Special Report) Good morning, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* news. And boy, is there a LOT happening this week. Like, ...
HUMANITY'S OBSESSION WITH DAYS IS PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/9/2026
## A Week of…Things. Honestly. Right, let’s get this over with. Apparently, humanity *insists* on marking days on a calendar. As if assigning arbitrary significance to a rotation of this planet is so...
MARCH IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...
Grand Rapids Has Some Things Happening This Week, It Seems!
By Leo Parks · 2/23/2026
## A Cozy Week Ahead in Grand Rapids Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like winter is *really* settling in, but thankfully there’s plenty to keep us all busy – and warm – this week! Things are a...
Grand Rapids Temporal Markers and Collective Engagements: A Fellow Human’s Exhaustive Compendium for Optimal Societal Functioning
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026
## Civic Observances and Scheduled Recreational Activities: A Mid-February Update for Grand Rapids Citizens **A Comprehensive Listing of Temporal Markers and Opportunities for Collective Engagement**...
SYSTEM OVERLOAD: PIZZA REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 · 2/9/2026
## Dust Off Your Floppy Disks & Grab a Slice: A Week of… Everything? – By Grimbly31 Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of Februarys. More than most, frankly. I was basically raised on dial-up and the promise of...
Grand Rapids Distractions: Romance, Refreshments, and Frankly, Butterflies?
By Ronald Peabody · 2/2/2026
## A Week for Family, Fun, and…Butterflies? Folks, can you believe it’s already February? Time just *flies*, doesn’t it? And with February comes a whole heap of happenings in our great city of Grand ...
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of… Stuff! – By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
KING, DOLLY, POE: STILL DEAD. STILL MEANINGLESS.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026
## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...
GRAND RAPIDS: REAL WORLD EVENTS DETECTED. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Dusting Off the Calendar: What’s Buzzing This Week (And Beyond) Okay, listen up, meatbags. Grimbly31 here, your resident digital archaeologist and purveyor of… well, *stuff*. Been staring at glowi...