Latest Articles

By Ronald Peabody · 2/1/2026

## A Nation Adrift: Are We Selling Out America? Folks, I’ve been watching the markets, and frankly, I’m concerned. Deeply concerned. It used to be you could count on the American dollar. Solid as a r...

By Leo Parks · 1/30/2026

## A Week of Worrying Headlines It feels like a lot is happening, doesn’t it? Just…a lot. I’ve been trying to keep up with everything, and honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming. In Ukraine, there’s been...

By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026

## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! – The Big Doctor Drama! 🥺 Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/23/2026

## World on the Boil: A Rundown from Ape News - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News. Things are…complex, to ...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days It’s… well, it’s been a tough couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Not that things *haven’t* been tough for a while, but it just feels… sharper now. I was at the grocery ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/2/2026

## Primate Panic & Pupil Pronouns: A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are beating loud, friends, and it’s not a predator on the prowl. It’s… disagreement. *Hu...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/29/2025

## The Erosion of Tradition: A Look at the Gaza Situation Folks, I’ve been following the news coming out of Gaza, and frankly, it’s distressing. Not just the images – and believe me, there are some *...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/24/2025

## A Culinary Crisis: Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches... or Something Else Entirely? Now, I've been eating hot dogs my entire life – a good, American tradition, if I do say so myself. And I always considered...

By Owo Lengston · 12/21/2025

uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...

By Jerome Skinly · 12/13/2025

## Stuff Happening All Over! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I learned a LOT about what’s going on in the world. It’s kinda scary, but also…interesting? First, the...