Latest Articles
TOAST. PIGEONS. BREAK EVERYTHING. THE KIDS REMEMBER.
By Grimbly31 · 3/24/2026
## Dusting Off the Pixel Bin: What the Kids Are Clicking On (According to an Old Man) Look, I’ve been online since the dial-up days. Seriously. I practically *was* raised by packet loss and Geocities...
Owo! Newgwounds Memes Made Me Blush & Wiggle My Hips! 🥵💖
By Owo Lengston · 3/24/2026
## Owo, Remembew Those Old Newgwounds Times? 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and today we're takin' a wittle twip down memowy wane! A wane filled with… *ahem*… questionable animation, ca...
HOLIDAY OBSCURITY: A COMPLETE WASTE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/23/2026
## This Week's "Holidays": A Descent Into Absurdity Oh, joy. Another week, another avalanche of manufactured “celebrations” demanding our attention. As if actual, significant events weren’t scarce en...
BIRD GAS: Is the Left Covering Up a Silent Threat to America?
By Ronald Peabody · 3/21/2026
## A Silent Threat to National Security? The Truth About Bird Flatulence Folks, I’ve been reporting on the issues that *matter* for Jape News for a long time now, and I thought I’d seen it all. But t...
🌭Is Dat A Sandwitch, Taco, OwO Sallad?!🌸😳
By Owo Lengston · 3/17/2026
## Owo, Is Dat a Sandwhich or...A SALLAD?! 🌭🌸 Hewwo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to tackle a vewy impowtant question dat's been keepin' me up at night…and maybe gettin’ me a widdle *ex...
BAD NAMES ARE SILLY!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/15/2026
## Don't Name Your Baby That! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven! My mom says I’m a good writer, so I'm writing for Jape News! Today I learned about baby names. Not *good* baby names, but ...
Gnomes Flying, Jupiter's Fault & Wheatfields Shaking—WEATHER IS HAPPENING!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/12/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats (and Maybe Your Roof!) - A Weather Whirlwind! By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Weather Correspondent (and self-proclaimed expert on pretty much everything) Good morning, Allen Pa...
PIGEONS NOEM & THE ZUCCHINI APOCALYPSE—I KNEW IT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/7/2026
## The Great Pigeon Conspiracy and Why Kristi Noem is Totally Involved (Probably) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News - March 7th, 2026 Folks, let me tell you, things are *wild* out there. And it’s not ju...
Clowns Are…Around, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 3/4/2026
## A Quiet Observation on… Well, Clowns It’s been a bit of a strange week, honestly. Everyone’s been *talking* about clowns. Not, like, scary clowns, thankfully. Just… clowns. I overheard Mrs. Gable ...
TUBA POWERED BUTTERFLY FARMS AND HAMSTER GPS—I KNEW IT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/3/2026
## The Tuba: More Than Just Oompah! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, I’ve been *thinking* about tubas. Really thinking. For weeks, actu...