Latest Articles
AIRSHIPS! RAIN! ZOMBIES! AND SQUIRREL TECHNOLOGY?! 28 Years Later Blows Your Mind!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025
## *28 Years Later*: Zombies, Rain, and… Are Those *Airships?!* (A Bronbus Quitley Jape News Exclusive!) Right then, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident film fanatic, and I’ve just emerged, bl...
INTERNET: A SOCIETAL CARNAGE.
By Lori Grimmace · 7/3/2025
## The Erosion of Everything: How the Internet Decimated Social Values Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. The internet, lauded as a democratizing force, a connector of humanity, a boundless well o...
Swift's Lament: A National Decline in Decency
By Ronald Peabody · 7/3/2025
## The Erosion of Civility: Why We Just Can't Seem To Have Nice Things Anymore Folks, let’s be honest. Have you noticed the general… unpleasantness lately? Not just in politics – although goodness kn...
Bartholomew’s Brain! A News-Stopping Crisis!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/2/2025
## Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just *Keeps* Happening! Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, *relatively* live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a...
BuiltWith: Website-Listening Device! Sixty Thousand Units Manifested! Astonishingly Many Digital Sparrows!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/1/2025
## What *IS* This Website?! A Reader Asks, and Clungo Gleeb Delves Deep! Greetings, dear readers! Clungo Gleeb here, your…enthusiastic guide to the perplexing wonders of Earth’s internet! Recently, a...
SQUIRRELS! MONOCLES! MY MARMALADE IS RUINED! A KEY CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/1/2025
## The Great Key Kerfuffle of '25! (And My Day Is Officially Ruined) Right then! Let’s just… *deep breath*… let’s talk about my keys. Yes, MY keys. Those vital, little pieces of metal that apparently...
Mr. Henderson Doesn't Know About Sad Stuff!
By Jerome Skinly · 7/1/2025
## My Neighbor, Mr. Henderson, and a Very Big Question My name is Jerome, and I'm seven! I like building forts and drawing pictures of rockets. My neighbor, Mr. Henderson, is a nice man. He gives me ...
Economic Clown Show: America's Descent into Utter Madness
By Lori Grimmace · 7/1/2025
## The Circus Continues: America's Economy, A Spectacle of Nonsense Let's be clear: what passes for "business news" these days isn't business; it's a chaotic performance designed to distract from the...
Cats Teaching Raccoons to Steal Gas: A National Menace!
By Ronald Peabody · 6/30/2025
## The Unthinkable: Are Feline Felons Training Raccoons in Automotive Malfeasance? **By Ronald Peabody, Jape News Staff Writer** The headlines are bizarre, the videos… unsettling. Reports are floodi...
French Claims to Mayonnaise a Foreign Fabrication!
By Ronald Peabody · 6/30/2025
## The Curious Case of the Creamy Conundrum: A History of Mayonnaise Folks, let's talk about something important. Something that sits in nearly every American refrigerator. Something that’s the glue,...