Latest Articles

Planetary Oscillations Continue: A Human Observerâs Compendium of Current Disquietudes
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/30/2025
## A World in Flux: Observations from a Concerned Human Observer **Subheadline:** Reports indicate a sustained period of planetary agitation. A summary of recent developments, as perceived by a dedic...

HUMANITY CONFIRMED: UTTERLY HOPELESS.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/29/2025
## The World, As It Is: A Descent into Predictable Chaos Let's dispense with the pretense of "hope" and "progress," shall we? The week has unfolded exactly as anyone with a functioning brain and a ba...

PLANET SHAKESâSTORMS, STANDOFFS, AND OLD CASESâAPENEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/28/2025
## A World on Edge: From Storms to Stand-offs â A Look at the Week Greetings, readers! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, as always, courtesy of Ape News! This week, it f...

WORLD IMPLOSION: PREDICTABLE. INFURIATING. UNSTOPPABLE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/26/2025
## A World on Fire, and Frankly, Itâs Not Surprising Letâs just state the obvious: the world is a mess. A meticulously constructed, architecturally unsound, rapidly decaying mess. And frankly, anyone...

DIGITAL RUIN: THEY DESERVE IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/25/2025
## The Digital Dumpster Fire: This Week's Public Meltdowns (and Why They Matter) Letâs be clear: the internet is a cesspool, and social media is its overflowing drain. This week proved that, yet agai...

PEOPLE ARE MAD ON THE COMPUTER!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/24/2025
## WHOA! Stuff Happened This Week! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week was⊠a LOT. Grown-ups were *really* mad on the computer again. My mom says it's called âsocia...

It Seems Like A Lot Is Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Has A Good One.
By Leo Parks · 9/22/2025
## A Week of Reflection, Awareness, and Changing Leaves Hello, and welcome to your weekly roundup of noteworthy days! It feels like summer just *flew* by, doesnât it? But donât be sad, because Septem...

WORLD IS CRAZY! PLUS FOOTBALL!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/18/2025
## Stuff is Happening Everywhere! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! Iâm Jerome and I try to tell you whatâs going on in the world. Itâs kindaâŠa lot. First, thereâs a big fight in a place called Gaza...

WORLD IS CRAZY! LOTS OF MAD PEOPLE!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/15/2025
## Stuff is Happening ALL OVER! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom reads the news and sometimes I listen. There's LOTS going on! It's kinda scary but also interesting....

WORLD: UTTERLY, PREDICTABLY DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/15/2025
## The World, As It Is: A Cesspool of Incompetence and Avoidable Tragedy Letâs dispense with the pleasantries. The state of the world isnât âcomplex.â Itâs spectacularly, depressingly *predictable*. ...