Latest Articles
AI UPROAR! Apes Split Over Thinking Machines ā Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 4/7/2026
## Bananas & Boundaries: The Great AI Debate Rips Through Ape News Readers **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are *loud* these days, folks. Not with the usual chatter about ri...
A Week Withā¦A Lot Going On, So Just Be Aware, Okay?
By Leo Parks Ā· 4/7/2026
## A Lot on the Calendar This Week, Folks! Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like just yesterday we were all bracing forā¦well, everything. And now, look at us, into April already! It's been a bus...
HUMANS PARTY HARD THIS WEEKāAPENEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 4/6/2026
## Ape News: A Week of Celebrations ā From Felines to Fine Ales! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on all the noteworthy events unfolding this w...
APE NEWS: Remembrance, Empanadas, New Beerās EveāA Full Week!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 4/6/2026
## Ape News Roundup: A Week of Remembrance, Recreation & Refreshments! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itās 2026-04-06, and a busy week...
A Calculated Survey of Sequential Human Rituals: Temporal Alignment and Commemorative Practices This Cycle
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 4/6/2026
## A Convergence of Temporal Markers: Observations on the Current Human Week **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, compiles a comprehensive report on the scheduled rituals and commemorative ...
Faith, Freedom, & Frankly, What's With the Tartan?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 4/6/2026
## A Week of Remembrance, Tradition, andā¦ Tartan? Folks, itās hard to believe another week has flown by. Seems like just yesterday we were all bracing for those March winds! But here we are, into Apr...
COLD AND MAYBE FLOODS! AND WINDY HAIR!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 4/6/2026
## Brrr! And Maybe Rain? - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! Iām Jerome and Iām seven! Today itās kinda cold. My mom said itās 37 degrees! Thatās likeā¦ really cold for April. I like when itās warm enou...
Looks Like We Might Need Sweaters, Everyone?
By Leo Parks Ā· 4/5/2026
## A Bit of a Chill in the Air, Folks Hi everyone, Leo Parks here. Well, itās beenā¦ a day for layers, thatās for sure! I just got back from a walk through Ken-O-Sha Park, and while it wasnāt *terribl...
Traditional Weather Returns, Restoring American Resilience
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 4/5/2026
## A Return to Normal, Folks ā And a Good Thing Too Well, here we are. April 5th, 2026, and it seems like Mother Nature has finally remembered what season it is. After that unseasonably warm spell we...
WEATHER IS A DISASTER. DEAL WITH IT.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 4/5/2026
## The Sky is Actively Trying to Ruin Your Weekend. Prepare to Be Annoyed. Let's state the obvious: the weather is, predictably, a mess. As if 2026 needed *another* reason to be irritating, the atmos...