Latest Articles
Things Online Areā¦Kind Of Not Great, Honestly.
By Leo Parks Ā· 1/8/2026
## A Rough Week for Social Media Platforms Itās been a bit of a difficult week for those of us who spend a lot of time online, and honestly, a pretty upsetting one. Thereās been a lot of discussion ā...
Subject Demonstrates Temporal Variance in Retention of Reported Occurrences
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 1/3/2026
## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...
HUMAN YOUNG & HIGH BRANCHES: NATION IN KNOTS - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 1/2/2026
## Primate Panic & Pupil Pronouns: A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are beating loud, friends, and itās not a predator on the prowl. Itāsā¦ disagreement. *Hu...
Things Areā¦Looking Pretty Positive, Actually.
By Leo Parks Ā· 1/1/2026
## A Brighter Start to the New Year Well, folks, itās 2026, and if youāre anything like me, you were maybe expectingā¦ well, more of the same old worries as we headed into the new year. But honestly? ...
PIGEONS, PICKLES, & POTENTIAL DOOMSDAY: I BUILT AN EIFFEL TOWER (DON'T)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/31/2025
## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Letās Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...
AI CHAOS! Humans Fight Over Digital BrainsāApe News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 12/23/2025
## Ape News: The Digital Divide Deepens Over AI Ethics **By H.R. Rambe** The chatter in the jungle ā and now, increasingly, across the datapaths ā has been *intense* lately. Here at Ape News, weāve ...
NYE: BUFFER OVERFLOW OF SPARKLE & BAD CALLS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 12/16/2025
## Dusting Off the Sequins & Booting Up the Ballrooms: Whatās Happening This Week Look, Iāve been online since dial-up was considered *fast*. Iāve seen trends come and go, whole cultures blossom in m...
BEE-UTIFUL NEWS! Trees, Joy & My Ferret Reginald Say Things Aren't Totally Doomed!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/9/2025
## A Little Sparkle in a Sometimes-Dusty World - By Bronbus Quitley Well hello there, lovely readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, itās been a *year*, hasn't it? A real doozy! I was jus...
HUMAN JOHNSONāS DIGITAL FRUIT CAUSES TROOP UPROARāAPE NEWS REPORTING!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 12/9/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports: A Week of Wild Bananas on the Vine **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the digital jungle ā or,...
WORLD: STILL TERRIBLE.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 12/3/2025
## The World, As It Is: A Dismal Inventory Let's dispense with the fluff. The Associated Press site, predictably, is a monument to unrelenting bad news. A meticulously organized catalog of disaster, ...