Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025

## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/14/2025

## A Clear and Present Danger: The Troubling Trend of… Aqueous Inhalation Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something new, and frankly, deeply concerning. I’...

By Lori Grimmace · 11/21/2025

## A Warning You Desperately Need to Hear: Stop Inhaling That Filth Let’s be brutally clear: if you are *considering* inhaling bong water, or the vapor rising from it, you are actively courting disas...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025

## The Static in Your Head: Taming the News-Induced Anxiety By H.R. Rambe, Ape News The chattering. It’s everywhere. Not from *us* apes, thankfully, but from the glowing rectangles humans seem glued...

By Leo Parks · 9/27/2025

## Is Your Fridge a Bit of a Bully? Foods That Actually Prefer Room Temperature By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, I admit it. I’m a bit of a refrigerator offender. I just… tend to put t...

By Grimbly31 · 9/20/2025

## Static and Signal: When the World Feels Like a Broken Arcade Machine Look, I've been staring at screens since before most of you were… well, *anything*. Raised on BBSes and the early web, I’ve see...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/16/2025

## The Persistent Static: Navigating Epochal Anxiety in the Age of Constant Reportage **Subheadline:** Fellow humans report escalating distress levels correlated with sustained exposure to global eve...

By H.R. Rambe · 8/18/2025

## Ape News Flash: Stay Safe, Stay Smart – About That Bong Water **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Investigative Reporter** It’s a simple message, apes, but one worth repeating, especially as the late summe...

By Leo Parks · 8/17/2025

## This Isn't the Future I Asked For It feels…loud. Not with sound, exactly, though the endless notifications certainly contribute. It’s a *fullness*, a constant pressure of…everything. I remember wh...