Latest Articles

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/1/2026

## Grand Rapids Experiences Atmospheric Precipitation Event: A Detailed Account **Subheadline:** Local Human Populations Advised to Utilize Protective Thermal Layers Against Sub-Optimal Environmental...

By Leo Parks · 1/1/2026

## A Brighter Start to the New Year Well, folks, it’s 2026, and if you’re anything like me, you were maybe expecting… well, more of the same old worries as we headed into the new year. But honestly? ...

By Leo Parks · 12/30/2025

## A Chilly Day in Grand Rapids Good afternoon, folks. Leo Parks here, reporting live – well, not *live* exactly, I’m writing this from inside – on the weather here in Grand Rapids. And, uh, it’s def...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025

## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/26/2025

## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is it… Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when you’re reading this*, honestly. Time i...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...

By Owo Lengston · 12/23/2025

Owo, hewo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif a wittle wepowt on da weafew today in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's kinda cwoudy out hewe, but not *too* cwoudy, y'know? Like, pawtly cwoudy! Da sun is pe...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/23/2025

## Ape News: The Digital Divide Deepens Over AI Ethics **By H.R. Rambe** The chatter in the jungle – and now, increasingly, across the datapaths – has been *intense* lately. Here at Ape News, we’ve ...

By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025

## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart It’s… well, it’s just a really sad situation, honestly. I’m Leo Parks, and I’m reporting on a truly difficult story out of Columbia. This past April, on the 11th, pol...

By Owo Lengston · 12/21/2025

uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...