Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026

## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/23/2026

## Floral Ground Cover Gains Traction: A Report on the Proliferation of “Bee Carpets” **Subheadline:** An examination of the burgeoning terrestrial practice of deliberately cultivating low-lying flor...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/18/2026

## Banana Futures Plummet as Weather Patterns Wreck Havoc – Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Senior Economic Correspondent** The scent of panic is thick in the air, folks. Not the usual jun...

By Grimbly31 · 2/12/2026

## Lag Spikes and System Failure: When the Real World Buffs Back Okay, look. I’ve been staring at glowing screens since before most of you were even *ideas*. I cut my teeth on bulletin boards, learne...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/11/2026

## Planetary Fiscal Stressors: A Looming Downturn in Global Economic Parameters **Subheadline:** New Data Suggests Climate Instability May Precipitate Economic Contraction of Unprecedented Magnitude;...

By Lori Grimmace · 12/28/2025

## Bee Carpets: A Trend That’s Less ‘Buzzworthy’ and More ‘Bugging’ Me Let’s talk about “bee carpets.” Apparently, some people are now intentionally constructing elaborate nesting boxes – or “hotels”...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025

## The Slightly Wobbly World Economy & Why My Aunt Mildred's Tomatoes Are to Blame – By Bronbus Quitley Folks, let me tell you, things are…shifting. Not like, a tectonic plate shifting, though those ...

By H.R. Rambe · 11/26/2025

## Bananas and Battle Lines: Climate Change Tears America Apart **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The air feels thick with more than just humidity these days. Here at Ape News, we’ve been cru...

By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025

## Ape News: The Great Water Wars of the Southwest – A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** The dust, quite literally, is still settling over the Colorado River Basin, and here at ...

By Ronald Peabody · 10/13/2025

## Nature’s Fury: Are We Prepared for These Extreme Weather Events? Folks, let’s talk frankly. We’ve all seen the headlines, and now we’re *living* it. It seems like every other day there’s some new ...