Latest Articles

By Owo Lengston · 11/3/2025

## Owo, So Many Days This Week! A Guide to All the Fun (and Stuff) Happening! H-hewwo everywone! It’s Owo Lengston here, and oh my gosh, is November *packed*! Like, seriously, my wittle calendar is b...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025

## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primate’s Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention – and frankly, it deeply disturbs me – the state of modern birthday parties. ...

By Jerome Skinly · 9/17/2025

## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...

By Jerome Skinly · 9/9/2025

## Don't Call Your Baby *That*! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News. My teacher, Mrs. Gable, said it's important to pick GOOD names for babies. So, I looked at a LOT o...

By Jerome Skinly · 8/31/2025

## Don't Call Your Baby That! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News! Today I learned about names. Like, what you *can’t* name your baby. It’s kinda weird, right? You thi...

By Clungo Gleeb · 8/26/2025

## The Calculated Calm: Structuring Your Personal Command Center Fellow humans, it has come to my attention – through extensive observation of your societal patterns – that many of you now conduct pr...

By H.R. Rambe · 8/18/2025

## Ape News Flash: Stay Safe, Stay Smart – About That Bong Water **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Investigative Reporter** It’s a simple message, apes, but one worth repeating, especially as the late summe...

By Clungo Gleeb · 8/7/2025

## A Bastion of Grooming: The Mississippi Man Offers Ritualistic Facial Maintenance **Gluckstadt, Mississippi** – In an age of accelerating temporal flux, certain traditions persist. This human, a fe...

By Leo Parks · 8/6/2025

## Lunchtime Doesn't Have to Be a Struggle, Folks! Some Easy Ideas for a Breezy Afternoon Right, well, hello everyone. Leo Parks here from Jape News. It's… it's a busy time, isn't it? So many things ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/1/2025

## The Great Key Kerfuffle of '25! (And My Day Is Officially Ruined) Right then! Let’s just… *deep breath*… let’s talk about my keys. Yes, MY keys. Those vital, little pieces of metal that apparently...