Latest Articles
CALENDAR IS A DUMPSTER FIRE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## Another Week, Another Avalanche of⊠*Things*. Honestly, the sheer volume of âawareness daysâ and frankly pointless holidays is insulting. Do we really need a dedicated day for *everything*? Appare...
PARENTS ARE RUINING CHILDREN. PERIOD.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/27/2026
## Stop. Just Stop. A Guide to Not Ruining a Childâs Life With a Name Letâs be blunt. Some of you are actively attempting to sabotage your children before they even draw their first breath. The sheer...
Owo No-Nos! Don't Name Youw Baby Sumthin' They'll Cwinge At! đŒđ
By Owo Lengston · 3/27/2026
## Owo, No No Names! A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Wittle Bean's Name! đ Hewwo evewyone! It's me, Owo Lengston, and I'm hewe to tawwk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: names! Specifically, names yo...
Owo No No Names! Don't Name Youw Bean Sumthin' Weawy Awful! Uwu!
By Owo Lengston · 3/24/2026
## Owo, No No Names! A Guide To Not Ruining Your Wittle Bean's Life! Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite name-savy jounawist, Owo Lengston, here to tawk about sumthin *vewy* impowtant: baby names! Uwu!...
NAMES MATTER: Saving Our Kids From Ridiculous Trends.
By Ronald Peabody · 2/13/2026
## A Tradition Under Threat: Protecting Our Children â and Our Heritage â One Name at a Time Folks, Iâve been thinking a lot lately about the direction this country is headed. Seems like common sense...
Owo! Don't Name Your Baby Nutella, OwO! đ„ș It's Fow Eatin', Not Lifin'! âš
By Owo Lengston · 2/4/2026
# Owo! No-No Names: A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Little Bean's Life! đ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: baby names! đŒ I get it, pickin' a ...
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of⊠Stuff! â By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
Please Be Careful With Bongs, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 1/21/2026
## A Word to the Wise: Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, this is a little awkward to write about, honestly. But itâs important, so here we are. I was chatting wit...
The Lexical Burden: Ensuring Optimal Nomenclature for Developing Humans
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/17/2026
## The Nomenclature Landscape: Navigating the Perils of Infantile Designation **Subheadline:** A Fellow Humanâs Guide to Avoiding Societal Discomfort Through Prudent Lexical Selection for Developing ...
Owo's Office Went Fwom Messy to MWAH!~ (And Now It's Pefect Fow Pway!) UwU!
By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026
## uwu Oh Noes! My Home Office Was a Mess! (But Now It's SO Cute!) - By Owo Lengston Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and wemember when I said I was a pwoductive membew of society? Well⊠my...