Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 2/24/2026

## Michigan Weather: A Pathetic Display of Indecision Let’s be clear. This isn't “winter wonder.” It’s winter *weakness*. February continues to insult us with its tepid attempts at cold. Kalamazoo an...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/22/2026

## A Sad State of Affairs: When Convenience Stores Become Scenes of Tragedy It’s a grim reality we often try to shield ourselves from, but the decay of societal respect for life is becoming increasin...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/22/2026

## A Chronicle of Athletic Endeavors: Dispatches from the Fields of Competition **A Compendium of Recent Outcomes, Rule Discussions, and Transitions in the Realm of Organized Physical Activity** It ...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/18/2026

## Banana Futures Plummet as Weather Patterns Wreck Havoc – Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Senior Economic Correspondent** The scent of panic is thick in the air, folks. Not the usual jun...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/17/2026

## The Sky is… Doing Stuff! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I was gonna tell you about the weather, but… it's kinda tricky. See, I asked the computer to TELL me the...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026

## Escalating Reports of Existential Disquiet: A Human’s Guide to Mitigating News-Induced Affective Variance **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates strategies for maintaining int...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026

## Civic Observances and Scheduled Recreational Activities: A Mid-February Update for Grand Rapids Citizens **A Comprehensive Listing of Temporal Markers and Opportunities for Collective Engagement**...

By Bronbus Quitley · 2/16/2026

## A World Gone Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey… and Slightly Smoky **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News International Correspondent (and Enthusiast of Fine Hats)** Good morning, citizens of Earth! Bronbus Qu...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/12/2026

## Another February Day, Another Reason to Stay Inside Grand Rapids, MI – Let’s be clear: if you ventured outside today hoping for a glimpse of spring, you made a mistake. A *significant* mistake. Th...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026

## Staying Sane in a Spinning World – A Word from H.R. Rambe **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And I, H.R. Rambe, am not just talking about the actual jungle. ...