Latest Articles
HOT DOG: SANDWICH, OR SALAD?! Ape News Demands Answers!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/5/2026
## Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches…Or *Salads*? Ape News Investigates **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a question that has plagued primates and humans alike for generations: what *is* a hot dog...
PLANET DOWN. REBOOT IMMINENT.
By Grimbly31 · 4/5/2026
## Static in the System: A Grand Rapids Weather Report – From Grimbly31 Look, I’ve seen systems crash. Real systems. The kind with glowing tubes and the smell of ozone. This… this is just *wet*. But ...
BIRDS TOOTING SECRETS REVEALED! (My Aunt Mildred’s Budgie Knows EVERYTHING)
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Do Birds… *Toot*? A Deep Dive (and a Few Hunches) – By Bronbus Quitley Right, alright settle down folks, settle down! You came to Jape News for answers, and Bronbus Quitley *delivers*. Today’s que...
Newgrounds Seems To Be… Happening?
By Leo Parks · 4/4/2026
## The Vibes Are…Different? A Look at What’s Trending on Newgrounds Okay, so, um, Newgrounds. It’s still a thing! A *big* thing, actually. I went down the rabbit hole recently, trying to, you know, s...
HOT DOG: SANDWICH, TACO, SALAD?! APE NEWS INVESTIGATES!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026
## Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches? Or… Salads?! – Ape News Investigation **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The great culinary debate rages on, fellow apes! Here at Ape News, we’ve dedicated signific...
NEWGROUNDS: PROOF THE INTERNET ALWAYS WINS WITH THE WORST.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/4/2026
## Newgrounds: A Digital Archeological Dig of Bad Taste Let’s be blunt. Newgrounds wasn’t *good*. It was a chaotic, flashing, MIDI-laden fever dream of adolescent creativity. And yet, here we are in ...
GRAND RAPIDS FLOODED—I SWEAR I SAW A FLYING FISH & THUNDER LIZARDS ARE DEFINITELY INVOLVED!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Grand Rapids Under Siege... By WATER! (And Possibly Thunder Lizards) - By Bronbus Quitley Folks, hold onto your hats! And your umbrellas! And maybe a spare pair of socks! Grand Rapids is experienc...
PIGEONS KNEW THIS WAS COMING! WEATHER IS PLAYING TAG & POTATOES ARE HOTTER THAN EVER!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats, Folks! It’s a Weather Whirlwind! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Grand Rapids! Or, good *whatever time of day it is when you’re reading this*! Honestly, time is just a cons...
Gwands Wapids is Gettin' WET & Wind's Tryna Peek, UwU! >///<
By Owo Lengston · 4/4/2026
O-oh my gosh! Hewwo evewyone, it's OwO Lengston hewe, youw favowite wewepowtew! >w< It's a wittle bit of a… *mischievous* day in Gwands Wapids, Michigan! The sky is aww gwumpy and ovewcawst, and it's...
GRAYSCALE LAG SPIKE IMMINENT.
By Grimbly31 · 4/4/2026
## Damp Bytes & Digital Drizzle: A Grand Rapids Report Look, I've seen a *lot* of systems crash. Servers go down. Worlds get wiped. But honestly? This weather in Grand Rapids is testing my patience i...