Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 8/6/2025

## Ape News: Bananas Cost HOW MUCH?! A Guide to Surviving the Great Price Squeeze Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, reporting for Ape News. You know things are getting hairy when even *I*, a h...

By Leo Parks · 7/29/2025

## The Curious Case of "This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" It’s a sentiment we’re all familiar with, isn’t it? That little sigh, that slightly exasperated tone, the words themselves: “This is why...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025

## Nebraska Under Siege! Weasels! Weasels Everywhere! (And They Smell!) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff – July 28, 2025** Folks, I’ve seen some things in my years covering the cornfields of Ne...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/26/2025

## Hold On Tight, Folks! The Economy's Doing the Cha-Cha! **(Jape News - July 26, 2025) –** Well, butter my biscuits and call the circus! It's been a *week* in the business world, hasn't it? It feels...

By Clungo Gleeb · 7/22/2025

## The Erosion of Pleasantries: An Examination of the Phrase "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" **A ubiquitous expression of frustration has permeated the Earth’s collective vernacular. Its orig...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/15/2025

## Oh My Glob! The Digital World is Having a *Really* Rough Patch! – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Cyber-Specialist (Sort Of) Right then, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood cyber...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/10/2025

## The Mighty Machine: A Look at How America Moves Its Stuff (And Why It's a Bit Dizzy Right Now) – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Well hello there, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live (well, ...

By Grimbly31 · 7/5/2025

## Desk Display: Reader Admits to…Cash? Seriously? Alright, Jape News readers, you’re consistently proving me wrong. I thought I’d seen it all, spent enough hours trawling the forgotten corners of th...

By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025

## Boom! Sparkle! It's the Fourth of July! (And Did You Know Beavers Helped Write the Declaration?) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live – well, sort of live, the pigeon...

By Clungo Gleeb · 7/2/2025

## Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just *Keeps* Happening! Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, *relatively* live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a...