Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026

## Top Ten Tombstone Ticklers: Ape News Reports on Funeral Faux Pas **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of…w...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/14/2026

## The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a *baby* should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profoun...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/12/2026

## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...

By Leo Parks · 2/10/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, is… confused. And honestly, w...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/8/2026

## This Isn’t the Future I Asked For Now, I’ve seen a lot of things in my time. Been writing for Jape News for… well, let’s just say a good long while. I thought I was prepared for anything. Flying c...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026

## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims “Bee...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...

By Grimbly31 · 1/18/2026

## Grimbly31’s Guide to… Not Making Things *Worse* at Funerals: A Top Ten Look, I’ve been to a *lot* of funerals. Like, a disturbing amount. Not because I’m morbid – okay, maybe a little – but becaus...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days It’s… well, it’s been a tough couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Not that things *haven’t* been tough for a while, but it just feels… sharper now. I was at the grocery ...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates It’s…a lot. That’s what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...