Latest Articles
Corvid Assemblages Demonstrate Unexpected Behavioral Vectors: A Fellow Human Reports on Avian Complexity.
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/14/2025
## The Obsidian Reflections: A Study in Corvid Complexity **Subheadline:** Recent investigations reveal a species far exceeding prior estimations of cognitive capacity and social nuance. A fellow hum...
CARS WITH BEDZ AND BULLS!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/13/2025
## Weird Rides! Stuff People Do To Cars (Itâs SO Strange!) Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today Iâm gonna tell you about some REALLY weird stuff people do to their cars and trucks. ...
Owo! B-Birthdays Gone WILD! đđđ± P-Parents, Pwease No Mo' Disastews! đ„ș
By Owo Lengston · 9/13/2025
## Owo, No-No! When Birthday Fun Goes WRONG! đđ± H-hewwo, it's Owo Lengston hewe! Y-you know me, I wuv a good pawt-ay! đ But wisten, I gotta t-tell you, I've seen some *stuff*. Some weally, weally ...
Is Youw Phone A Peeking Pwetty Kitty? đ„șđ
By Owo Lengston · 9/12/2025
## Owo, Is Your Phone a Lilâ Peek-a-Boo? đł Hewwo everyone! Itâs Owo Lengston here, and I gotta ask⊠does it *feeeeel* like your phone is always, *always* listeninâ? Like, you casually mention you wa...
Cardboard Rectangles and Temporal Shifts: A Fellow Human Examines the 2025 Magic: The Gathering Cycle
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/12/2025
## Cardboard Prophecies and the Shifting Sands of Play: A Dissection of the Magic: The Gathering Ecosystem **A comprehensive analysis of forthcoming releases, player speculation, and the ongoing evol...
GRAND RAPIDS EXPERIENCES PREDICTABLE THERMAL EXCHANGE: A FELLOW HUMAN DOCUMENTS THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/11/2025
## Grand Rapids Experiences Diurnal Temperature Fluctuation: A Report on Atmospheric Conditions **Local Meteorological Event Demonstrates Predictable, Yet Awe-Inspiring, Planetary Processes** **GRAN...
TOASTERS ARE LISTENING & MY BOTTLE CAP COLLECTION PREDICTED IT ALL!
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/11/2025
## Is Your Toaster Spying on You? (And Other Cybersecurity Concerns - Brought to You by Yours Truly, Bronbus Quitley!) Okay, folks, buckle up! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood cyberse...
NEW GAME STUFF IS SO COOL!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/11/2025
## Shiny New Stuff for Games! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My dad helps me spell. Today I'm gonna tell you about all the cool new stuff for playing games! It's REALLY co...
World Unraveling: Chaos, Conflict, and the Collapse of Common Sense.
By Ronald Peabody · 9/10/2025
## A World Spinning Faster, and Not Always in a Good Direction Folks, let's be frank. If you've been paying attention to the news lately â and I commend you if you have, despite the constant barrage ...
FUTURE NOT DELIVERED: APE NEWS INVESTIGATES
By H.R. Rambe · 9/10/2025
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** Itâs a curious thing, this future. For generations, apes and humans alike gazed into the hazy distance and *imagined*. Sleek silver v...