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APRIL BRINGS REMEMBERING, TRICKERY, PLUS A LOT OF BANANA-WATCHING, ACCORDING TO APE NEWS!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/30/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead, According to Ape News Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itâs 2026-03-30, and boy, do we have a packed week ahead! Seems every c...
RAMBE SAYS: APRIL FOOLS PLUS HOLIDAYS EQUAL CHAOS! â Ape News.
By H.R. Rambe · 3/30/2026
## Ape News: A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, and⊠Fools? â Rambe Reports! Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from Ape News on all the noteworthy events un...
PICKLES, PIGEONS, & PATRIOTISMâA WEEK SO WILD IT NEEDS A BADGER DOCTOR!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/30/2026
## Hold the Phone! A Whirlwind of Hats, Heroes, andâŠPickles?! â This Week in Happenings! By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff Writer Good evening folks! Bronbus Quitley here, and lemme tell ya, my ca...
A Lot Happened This Week, Just Thought You Should Know.
By Leo Parks · 3/30/2026
## A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, andâŠEggs? Hello everyone, Leo Parks here. Itâs been a pretty busy week already, and itâs only going to keep going! I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone a...
A WEEK OF UTTER NONSENSE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## A Week of⊠*Things*. Honestly. Let's just get this over with. The calendar is apparently overflowing with âspecialâ days this week. As if we needed more manufactured reasons to feel vaguely obliga...
CALENDAR IS A DUMPSTER FIRE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## Another Week, Another Avalanche of⊠*Things*. Honestly, the sheer volume of âawareness daysâ and frankly pointless holidays is insulting. Do we really need a dedicated day for *everything*? Appare...
A Calculated Sequence of Designated Days: An Earthly Accounting of March 30th â April 6th, 2026
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/30/2026
## A Convergence of Temporal Markers: Examining the Week of March 30th â April 6th, 2026 **A period of scheduled collective remembrance and, in some instances, intentional levity, commences.** Greet...
DAYS. STOP.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## A Week ofâŠThings. Honestly. Let's just get this over with. The calendar, apparently, demands acknowledgement of various âdays.â As if we donât all have actual problems. But fine, hereâs a rundown ...
WEATHER WHIMS SIGNAL NATIONâS DECLINE
By Ronald Peabody · 3/30/2026
## A Chill in the Air, a Warning in the West Folks, let's talk about the weather. Not just the âwhatâs it doing todayâ weather, but the kind of weather that tells you something about the state of thi...
SUNâS GONE MAD! PLUS: SQUIRRELS, RECORDS, & MY BANANA SKILL!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/29/2026
## Is the Sun Trying to Fry Us?! (And Also, Maybe Rain?) - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Or, uh, good *afternoon*, I guess. Time kinda slips away when youâreâŠresearching. Yes, r...