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APRIL FOOLS, HOLY DAYS, AND REMEMBERINGâAPE NEWS HAS IT ALL!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/30/2026
## A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, and⊠Bunnies? â Ape News Roundup Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. It's 2026-03-30, and quite a busy week is un...
APRIL BRINGS REMEMBERING, TRICKERY, PLUS A LOT OF BANANA-WATCHING, ACCORDING TO APE NEWS!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/30/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead, According to Ape News Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itâs 2026-03-30, and boy, do we have a packed week ahead! Seems every c...
RAMBE SAYS: APRIL FOOLS PLUS HOLIDAYS EQUAL CHAOS! â Ape News.
By H.R. Rambe · 3/30/2026
## Ape News: A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, and⊠Fools? â Rambe Reports! Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from Ape News on all the noteworthy events un...
PICKLES, PIGEONS, & PATRIOTISMâA WEEK SO WILD IT NEEDS A BADGER DOCTOR!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/30/2026
## Hold the Phone! A Whirlwind of Hats, Heroes, andâŠPickles?! â This Week in Happenings! By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff Writer Good evening folks! Bronbus Quitley here, and lemme tell ya, my ca...
A Lot Happened This Week, Just Thought You Should Know.
By Leo Parks · 3/30/2026
## A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, andâŠEggs? Hello everyone, Leo Parks here. Itâs been a pretty busy week already, and itâs only going to keep going! I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone a...
A WEEK OF UTTER NONSENSE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## A Week of⊠*Things*. Honestly. Let's just get this over with. The calendar is apparently overflowing with âspecialâ days this week. As if we needed more manufactured reasons to feel vaguely obliga...
CALENDAR IS A DUMPSTER FIRE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## Another Week, Another Avalanche of⊠*Things*. Honestly, the sheer volume of âawareness daysâ and frankly pointless holidays is insulting. Do we really need a dedicated day for *everything*? Appare...
A Calculated Sequence of Designated Days: An Earthly Accounting of March 30th â April 6th, 2026
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/30/2026
## A Convergence of Temporal Markers: Examining the Week of March 30th â April 6th, 2026 **A period of scheduled collective remembrance and, in some instances, intentional levity, commences.** Greet...
LANSING EGGS BRUNCH SQUIRREL TREATIES & SAUNA SWEAT! (Beethoven May Be Involved)
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/30/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Absolutely, Positively Accurate Guide to Whatâs Happening RIGHT NOW! (And Soon!) Greetings, fellow citizens ofâŠwell, everywhere! Bronbus Quitley here, your trusty guide to the sw...
A Seven-Rotation Catalog of Terrestrial Commemorations: An Exhaustive Enumeration for Optimal Human Cohesion
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/30/2026
## A Convergence of Commemorations: Navigating the Terrestrial Cycle of Observances **A Comprehensive Enumeration of Scheduled Human Rituals, March 30th â April 5th** Greetings, fellow humans. I am ...