Latest Articles
A Few Things Happening This Week, If Youâre Interested
By Leo Parks · 9/1/2025
## A Busy Week Ahead: Holidays and Observances to Keep in Mind Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at whatâs happening this week and a little further into September! It feels like summer...
SIGNAL LOST. SYSTEM OVERLOAD. REBOOT REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 · 9/1/2025
## Static on the Line: A World Tuning Out of Sync The signalâs always been fractured, hasnât it? Even back when we were all jacked into bulletin boards and pixelated chatrooms, the world felt⊠glitch...
Scheduled Societal Expenditures: A Temporal Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 8/25/2025
## Temporal Markers of Significance: A Weekly Compendium of Human Observances **A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, reports on the cyclical rituals that punctuate the terrestrial existence.** This missive...
A Compendium of Temporal Markers: Navigating the Weekâs Designated Commemorations with Human Solidarity
By Clungo Gleeb · 8/18/2025
## A Convergence of Terrestrial Observances: Navigating the Week's Rituals **A compendium of scheduled commemorations, both solemn and whimsical, for the discerning human.** It is with a sense of sh...
Smores Elephants Lazy Days!
By Jerome Skinly · 8/11/2025
## Hi! It's Jerome Skinly Here! News Time! (August 11, 2025) Hi everybody! It's me, Jerome! I'm seven and I write for Jape News! This week is REALLY busy with lots of days to remember! My mom says it...
PIGEONS, PICKLES & PODCASTS: I PREDICT OLYMPIC BOBSLED VICTORY! (Also, My Aunt Mildred SaysâŠ)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/10/2025
## Pigeon Diplomacy & the Great Pickle Panic of '25 - A Bronbus Quitley Report Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, live from⊠well, my kitchen table mostly. But trust me, the world is HAPPENING. And let me ...
Block Party Bloodshed & Putin Parleys: America Under Assault!
By Ronald Peabody · 8/9/2025
## A Troubling Week for American Streets & Diplomacy Folks, itâs been a grim week, a stark reminder of the challenges facing our nation and the world. Let's not sugarcoat things. Weâre seeing a break...
SEX TOYS RAIN DOWN! Ape News Investigates WNBA Chaos!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/8/2025
## Ape News Sports Roundup - August 8th, 2025 - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of sports, as always, direct from Ape News! Itâs been...
August Events: A Few Things To Keep In Mind
By Leo Parks · 8/4/2025
## August Off to a Unique Start: A Look at This Weekâs Observances Hello everyone, it's Leo Parks here, and itâs already the beginning of August! Time really does fly, doesnât it? Things seem to be m...
SOOOO MANY FUN DAYS!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 7/28/2025
## Big Dayz This Week! By Jerome Skinly! Hi everybody! Itâs me, Jerome! Iâm writing for Jape News! Guess what? This week is super busy! Lots of fun days! Monday is a BIG day! It's Buffalo Soldiers D...