Latest Articles
A Lot Happened This Week, Just Thought You Should Know.
By Leo Parks · 3/30/2026
## A Week of Remembrance, Reflection, andâŠEggs? Hello everyone, Leo Parks here. Itâs been a pretty busy week already, and itâs only going to keep going! I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone a...
A WEEK OF UTTER NONSENSE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## A Week of⊠*Things*. Honestly. Let's just get this over with. The calendar is apparently overflowing with âspecialâ days this week. As if we needed more manufactured reasons to feel vaguely obliga...
CALENDAR IS A DUMPSTER FIRE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## Another Week, Another Avalanche of⊠*Things*. Honestly, the sheer volume of âawareness daysâ and frankly pointless holidays is insulting. Do we really need a dedicated day for *everything*? Appare...
A Calculated Sequence of Designated Days: An Earthly Accounting of March 30th â April 6th, 2026
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/30/2026
## A Convergence of Temporal Markers: Examining the Week of March 30th â April 6th, 2026 **A period of scheduled collective remembrance and, in some instances, intentional levity, commences.** Greet...
LANSING EGGS BRUNCH SQUIRREL TREATIES & SAUNA SWEAT! (Beethoven May Be Involved)
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/30/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Absolutely, Positively Accurate Guide to Whatâs Happening RIGHT NOW! (And Soon!) Greetings, fellow citizens ofâŠwell, everywhere! Bronbus Quitley here, your trusty guide to the sw...
A Seven-Rotation Catalog of Terrestrial Commemorations: An Exhaustive Enumeration for Optimal Human Cohesion
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/30/2026
## A Convergence of Commemorations: Navigating the Terrestrial Cycle of Observances **A Comprehensive Enumeration of Scheduled Human Rituals, March 30th â April 5th** Greetings, fellow humans. I am ...
DAYS. STOP.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/30/2026
## A Week ofâŠThings. Honestly. Let's just get this over with. The calendar, apparently, demands acknowledgement of various âdays.â As if we donât all have actual problems. But fine, hereâs a rundown ...
WEATHER WHIMS SIGNAL NATIONâS DECLINE
By Ronald Peabody · 3/30/2026
## A Chill in the Air, a Warning in the West Folks, let's talk about the weather. Not just the âwhatâs it doing todayâ weather, but the kind of weather that tells you something about the state of thi...
SUNâS GONE MAD! PLUS: SQUIRRELS, RECORDS, & MY BANANA SKILL!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/29/2026
## Is the Sun Trying to Fry Us?! (And Also, Maybe Rain?) - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Or, uh, good *afternoon*, I guess. Time kinda slips away when youâreâŠresearching. Yes, r...
SKY IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/29/2026
## The Sky is Doing Stuff! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I looked at the weather today. It's kinda cloudy right now. My mom said it's 39 degrees. That'sâŠcoldish? I like when it's warmer so I ...