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Articles by: "Lori Grimmace"
Header image for: INCOMPETENCE WILL BE YOUR DOOM.

INCOMPETENCE WILL BE YOUR DOOM.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/27/2026

## The World is Literally Falling Apart, and You’re Complaining About Your Latte Let’s just lay it all out there, shall we? The planet is having a *moment*, and it’s not a cute one. Apparently, some ...

Header image for: SKY IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOU.

SKY IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOU.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/26/2026

## The Sky is Attempting Murder, and Nobody Seems to Care Grand Rapids, MI – Let’s cut the pleasantries. The Weather Channel, bless their data-driven hearts, is reporting “severe thunderstorms.” What...

Header image for: GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER: UTTERLY, HOPELESSLY WEAK.

GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER: UTTERLY, HOPELESSLY WEAK.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/26/2026

## Grand Rapids Endures Yet Another Pathetic Display of Meteorological Indecision Let’s be clear: Grand Rapids weather is consistently, relentlessly *mediocre*. Today was no exception. A pathetic tea...

Header image for: MIDWEST SUFFERS. WEST BARELY IMPROVES. WEATHER CHANNEL NEEDS ATTENTION.

MIDWEST SUFFERS. WEST BARELY IMPROVES. WEATHER CHANNEL NEEDS ATTENTION.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/26/2026

## The Midwest is a Mess, the West Gets a Break – And Everyone’s Patting The Weather Channel on the Back Let’s state the obvious: if you’re anywhere near the Midwest, you’re likely bracing for impact...

Header image for: KEYS FAIL. YOU SUFFER.

KEYS FAIL. YOU SUFFER.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/25/2026

## The Abyss Swallows All: A Keyless Descent into Modern Inconvenience Let's be blunt. I’ve lost my keys. Not “misplaced,” not “temporarily separated from,” *lost*. Vanished. As if swallowed whole by...

Header image for: HOLIDAY OBSCURITY: A COMPLETE WASTE.

HOLIDAY OBSCURITY: A COMPLETE WASTE.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/23/2026

## This Week's "Holidays": A Descent Into Absurdity Oh, joy. Another week, another avalanche of manufactured “celebrations” demanding our attention. As if actual, significant events weren’t scarce en...

Header image for: WIZARDS IS SQUANDERING MAGIC. PERIOD.

WIZARDS IS SQUANDERING MAGIC. PERIOD.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/22/2026

## The State of the Game: A Grim Assessment of Magic’s Trajectory Let’s be blunt. Magic: The Gathering isn't *thriving*; it's navigating a chaotic mess of its own making. The past year has been a tex...

Header image for: C-63: Canada Crushes Speech. Period.

C-63: Canada Crushes Speech. Period.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/19/2026

## Canada’s Bill C-63: A Solution or a Stifling of Speech? Don’t Even Ask. Let’s be blunt. Canada’s proposed Bill C-63, ostensibly designed to combat online hate, isn’t about protecting anyone. It’s ...

Header image for: WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.

WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/17/2026

## This Weather is an Insult Let’s be clear: the weather isn’t *interesting*. It simply *is*. And right now, it’s offensively mediocre, bordering on actively hostile. Reports are flooding in – natura...

Header image for: BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.

BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.

By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026

## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...