Latest Articles
CLOWNS: ANCIENT, AWFUL, AND STILL HERE.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/7/2025
## The Painted Plague: Why Clowns Are Still Ruining Everything (And Have For Centuries) Letâs be blunt: clowns are an offense to good taste, a historical mistake, and a continuing source of low-grade...
Chocolate & Courage: How American Ingenuity Won Wars & Won Hearts
By Ronald Peabody · 8/7/2025
## A Sweet History: How Candy Bars Became an American Staple Folks, letâs talk about something important. Something *really* important. Not politics, not the border, but a true American success story...
Learning About Air: A Slow, Steady Process
By Leo Parks · 7/31/2025
## A Breath of Understanding: How We Came to Know the Air We Breathe It's something we take for granted, isnât it? The very air that fills our lungs, that allows us to live and move and, well, *be*. ...
Ape News: Sweet Victory! History of Ice Cream Revealed!
By H.R. Rambe · 7/24/2025
## Ape News: A Sweet History â Exploring the Wonderful World of Ice Cream! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, reporting for Ape News with a truly delightful topic: Ice Cream! Yes, that frozen, ...
Human Subject Exhibits Temporal Disorientation; Collective Memory Requires Bolstering, As a Fellow Human I Understand
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/20/2025
## Alabama Resident Expresses Confusion Regarding Historical Events; Local Historians Offer Clarification **Fairhope, Alabama â** Mr. Earl Higgins, a 67-year-old resident of Fairhope, Alabama, recent...
ICE CREAM TRUCKS: THE ORIGINAL SYSTEM HACK.
By Grimbly31 · 7/15/2025
## The Jingle Heard 'Round the Block: A Deep Dive into the Ice Cream Truck Legacy (Jape News - Grimbly31 reporting) Right, listen up, newbies. You think *Fortnite* is retro? You think dial-up was *h...
French Rebellion Echoes American Spirit: A Week to Remember Our Values
By Ronald Peabody · 7/14/2025
## A Week of Commemoration and Reflection: Marking History and Honoring Service Folks, itâs hard to believe weâre already well into July! Time certainly does fly. This week, we find ourselves amidst ...
BEAVERS WROTE DECLARATION?! Fireworks Could Launch HOTDOGS?! July 4th INSANITY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025
## Boom! Sparkle! It's the Fourth of July! (And Did You Know Beavers Helped Write the Declaration?) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live â well, sort of live, the pigeon...
Fourth of July: A Pleasant Day for Everyone
By Leo Parks · 7/4/2025
## A Nation Celebrates: The 4th of July, Then and Now Itâs here! The Fourth of July! A day brimming with a certain⊠well, *feeling*. A feeling of togetherness, of⊠patriotism. It's hard *not* to feel...
French Claims to Mayonnaise a Foreign Fabrication!
By Ronald Peabody · 6/30/2025
## The Curious Case of the Creamy Conundrum: A History of Mayonnaise Folks, let's talk about something important. Something that sits in nearly every American refrigerator. Something thatâs the glue,...