Latest Articles
Apiarian Advocate Confronts the Relentless March of Terrestrial Temporal Awareness
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026
## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims “Bee...
It Seems Like Things Change A Lot These Days
By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026
## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates It’s…a lot. That’s what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...
PHONES ARE MESSY!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## Stuff Happening On The Phone! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week the grown-ups are *really* mad at the phones. My mom lets me look at her phone sometimes, but o...
Tiberius Discovers Ape News Wheel—Worry Spins Faster!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026
## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. He’s a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...
Things Online Are…Kind Of Not Great, Honestly.
By Leo Parks · 1/8/2026
## A Rough Week for Social Media Platforms It’s been a bit of a difficult week for those of us who spend a lot of time online, and honestly, a pretty upsetting one. There’s been a lot of discussion –...
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" – A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 – It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
Subject Demonstrates Temporal Variance in Retention of Reported Occurrences
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/3/2026
## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...
UNCLE LEO IS MAD AT PUMPKINS AND NEWS!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/2/2026
## Why Is There *Always* New Stuff?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today I’m gonna tell you about my Uncle Leo. He gets REALLY confused. Yesterday, Uncle Leo was SUPER mad. He sai...
SHARE CLIP, FACE CLAWS! APE NEWS WARNS.
By H.R. Rambe · 12/9/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports - This Week's Juicy Bits – December 9th, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on what’s got the digital jungle buzzing this week, cou...
HUMAN JOHNSON’S DIGITAL FRUIT CAUSES TROOP UPROAR—APE NEWS REPORTING!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/9/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports: A Week of Wild Bananas on the Vine **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the digital jungle – or,...