Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026

## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to Not Ruining Your Child’s Special Day Let’s be blunt. Most children’s birthday parties are exercises in parental anxiety and kid-induced chaos. But it doe...

By Owo Lengston · 2/4/2026

# Owo! No-No Names: A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Little Bean's Life! 🥺 Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: baby names! 🍼 I get it, pickin' a ...

By Grimbly31 · 2/3/2026

## Grimbly31's Guide to Not Totally Screwing Up Your Kid's Name Alright, listen up, fresh meat. Grimbly31 here. I’ve seen things. I’ve *been* things, technically. Raised by dial-up, BBS boards, and t...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/2/2026

## Babies and Shiny Phones? By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven. My teacher, Miss Lily, said I could write for the news! Today I wanna talk about babies and… iPhones. My cousin Leo just had...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/31/2026

## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Toy Mania Sweeps the Nation! (And Possibly Other Nations, Too!) Good mornin’, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, live from… well, my kitchen table, but the energy is *electric*!...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026

## Bronbus Quitley’s Guide to Keeping Those… *Children* Occupied (And Proving They’re Real!) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, raising kids is… a journey. A really, *really* lon...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026

## Hold the Phone! Are Kids… Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kid’s biggest worry was getting enough marbl...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/17/2026

## The Nomenclature Landscape: Navigating the Perils of Infantile Designation **Subheadline:** A Fellow Human’s Guide to Avoiding Societal Discomfort Through Prudent Lexical Selection for Developing ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/16/2026

## The Young Primate Pack: What’s REALLY Happening With Today’s Kids - A Dispatch From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent, Ape News (or, as we call it, Ape News)** Greetings, fellow prim...

By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026

## Owo! Grand Rapids Fun Wif Ur Smol Humies! ✨ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you plan sum *weawwy* good times wif yer totally human childwens! It can be hawd, wight? Dey need...