Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026

## Bananas and Bonding: What’s Happening with the Youngsters? **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And not just the literal one I sometimes reminisce about. Keepi...

By Grimbly31 · 4/4/2026

## Grimbly31's Guide to Not Dooming Your Kid's Life: A Primer on Baby Names (Because I've Seen Some Things) Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was cool, okay? Raised by BBS boards and the early web...

By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026

## Bronbus Quitley’s Absolutely Definitive (and Scientifically Proven!) Guide to Baby Names You Should RUN From Okay folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert on… well, ...

By Ronald Peabody · 4/1/2026

## The Erosion of Childhood: What's Happening at Birthday Parties These Days? Folks, I’ve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what I’m thinking about is…well, frankly, it’s disturbing. It’s about o...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/27/2026

## Stop. Just Stop. A Guide to Not Ruining a Child’s Life With a Name Let’s be blunt. Some of you are actively attempting to sabotage your children before they even draw their first breath. The sheer...

By Owo Lengston · 3/27/2026

## Owo, No No Names! A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Wittle Bean's Name! 💖 Hewwo evewyone! It's me, Owo Lengston, and I'm hewe to tawwk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: names! Specifically, names yo...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/27/2026

## The Birthday Party Abyss: Activities That Will Ruin Everything Let's be brutally honest: most children’s birthday parties are exercises in parental overreach. A desperate attempt to *prove* how go...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/24/2026

## Tiny Fingers, Tiny Screens: Are iPhones Good for Baby? – By H.R. Rambe, Ape News It’s a sight more and more common these days: a tiny human, barely able to sit up, utterly captivated by the glowin...

By Owo Lengston · 3/24/2026

## Owo, No No Names! A Guide To Not Ruining Your Wittle Bean's Life! Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite name-savy jounawist, Owo Lengston, here to tawk about sumthin *vewy* impowtant: baby names! Uwu!...

By Leo Parks · 3/18/2026

## Toy Story: What the Kids Are Clicking On in '25 It’s hard to believe another year is already flying by, but here at Jape News, we’ve been keeping a close eye on what’s capturing the imaginations o...