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By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026

## Man Still Believes News "Ends" – A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 – It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/26/2025

## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is it… Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when you’re reading this*, honestly. Time i...

By Clungo Gleeb · 12/22/2025

## The Sphere of Competitive Endeavor: A Compendium of Recent Developments **Subheadline:** Earthlings Continue to Engage in Ritualized Physical Conflict and Display of Motor Skills; Notable Occurren...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/14/2025

## A Clear and Present Danger: The Troubling Trend of… Aqueous Inhalation Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something new, and frankly, deeply concerning. I’...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/9/2025

## Ape News - Rambe Reports - This Week's Juicy Bits – December 9th, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on what’s got the digital jungle buzzing this week, cou...

By Lori Grimmace · 11/13/2025

## Stop the Presses: A World Apparently Determined to Be… *Decent*? Right. Let’s get this over with. I’ve been tasked with compiling a rundown of “uplifting” world news. Uplifting. As if the world ha...

By Lori Grimmace · 10/30/2025

## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Here’s What’s Apparently “Good” Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that aren’t actively awful. As if ...

By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025

## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It’s ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin’ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda… scawy? 😖 I used ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 8/13/2025

## Should We Challenge the Moon? Jape News Ponders a Rivalry with Moontaku! Good morning, Japers! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood news… well, *gatherer* really. Look, gathering is a ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 8/10/2025

## Pigeon Diplomacy & the Great Pickle Panic of '25 - A Bronbus Quitley Report Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, live from… well, my kitchen table mostly. But trust me, the world is HAPPENING. And let me ...