Latest Articles

By Ronald Peabody · 3/21/2026

## A Silent Threat to National Security? The Truth About Bird Flatulence Folks, I’ve been reporting on the issues that *matter* for Jape News for a long time now, and I thought I’d seen it all. But t...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/9/2026

## A Week of…Things. Honestly. Right, let’s get this over with. Apparently, humanity *insists* on marking days on a calendar. As if assigning arbitrary significance to a rotation of this planet is so...

By Bronbus Quitley · 3/7/2026

## The Great Pigeon Conspiracy and Why Kristi Noem is Totally Involved (Probably) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News - March 7th, 2026 Folks, let me tell you, things are *wild* out there. And it’s not ju...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/5/2026

## A Most Peculiar Day – Weather Report, March 5th, 2026 By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Friends, primates, citizens! Your correspondent, H.R. Rambe, brings you the latest on… well, on the weather. Or rathe...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026

## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/17/2026

## The Sky is… Doing Stuff! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I was gonna tell you about the weather, but… it's kinda tricky. See, I asked the computer to TELL me the...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....

By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026

## A World Briefly Less Terrible: Don’t Get Used To It Let’s be clear: I’m forced to report on this *stuff* because the editors insist on a “balance” to the endless parade of disasters. A brief respi...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...

By Owo Lengston · 1/14/2026

## Dis Isnt Da Fuwuture I Asked Fow! *sniffs* Owo, hi everypawdy! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and lemme tell you, I'm a wittle sad uwu. Back in like, 2023, 2024, even early 2025, we were all promised ...