Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026

## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. He’s a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026

## Man Still Believes News "Ends" – A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 – It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/3/2026

## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...

By Jerome Skinly · 1/2/2026

## Why Is There *Always* New Stuff?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today I’m gonna tell you about my Uncle Leo. He gets REALLY confused. Yesterday, Uncle Leo was SUPER mad. He sai...

By Clungo Gleeb · 12/30/2025

## The Dichotomy of Delight and Dread: A Comprehensive Examination of the Human Phenomenon Known as “Clowning” **Subheadline:** From Historical Merriment to Contemporary Anxieties, We Investigate the...

By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025

## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured “Fun” Let’s be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, it’s terrifying. Reports are surfacing – as i...

By Lori Grimmace · 11/21/2025

## The Rot Sets In: America Consumes Itself With Manufactured Outrage Let’s be clear: this isn’t about policy. It’s about performance. The latest government shutdown wasn’t a failure of governance, i...

By Ronald Peabody · 11/5/2025

## The Erosion of Common Sense: A Nation Divided Over… Lawn Decorations? Folks, I’ve been covering the news for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this trul...

By Ronald Peabody · 10/20/2025

## The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought I’d seen it *all*. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air fresh...

By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025

## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It’s ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin’ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda… scawy? 😖 I used ...