Latest Articles

By Jerome Skinly · 1/2/2026

## Why Is There *Always* New Stuff?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today I’m gonna tell you about my Uncle Leo. He gets REALLY confused. Yesterday, Uncle Leo was SUPER mad. He sai...

By Clungo Gleeb · 12/30/2025

## The Dichotomy of Delight and Dread: A Comprehensive Examination of the Human Phenomenon Known as “Clowning” **Subheadline:** From Historical Merriment to Contemporary Anxieties, We Investigate the...

By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025

## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured “Fun” Let’s be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, it’s terrifying. Reports are surfacing – as i...

By Lori Grimmace · 11/21/2025

## The Rot Sets In: America Consumes Itself With Manufactured Outrage Let’s be clear: this isn’t about policy. It’s about performance. The latest government shutdown wasn’t a failure of governance, i...

By Ronald Peabody · 11/5/2025

## The Erosion of Common Sense: A Nation Divided Over… Lawn Decorations? Folks, I’ve been covering the news for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this trul...

By Ronald Peabody · 10/20/2025

## The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought I’d seen it *all*. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air fresh...

By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025

## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It’s ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin’ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda… scawy? 😖 I used ...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/30/2025

## A World in Flux: Observations from a Concerned Human Observer **Subheadline:** Reports indicate a sustained period of planetary agitation. A summary of recent developments, as perceived by a dedic...

By H.R. Rambe · 9/10/2025

## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It’s a curious thing, this future. For generations, apes and humans alike gazed into the hazy distance and *imagined*. Sleek silver v...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/6/2025

## The Glowing Rectangle and the Developing Human: A Discourse on Infant-iPhone Interaction **By Clungo Gleeb, Jape News Staff Writer** **September 6, 2025** – A query has circulated within human so...