Latest Articles
Bee Carpets: Another Sign of Society's Decline?
By Ronald Peabody · 5/17/2026
## A Stingy Investment or a Sweet Home Addition? The Buzz About Bee Carpets Now, I’ve covered a lot in my time at Jape News – local council meetings, the rising cost of lumber, the frankly disturbing...
Humor at Funerals? Some People Actually Want That, Apparently.
By Leo Parks · 5/15/2026
## A Little Laughter to Ease the Pain: Top Ten Funeral One-Liners **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff** Funerals. They’re…well, they’re tough. Everyone’s sad, you're supposed to be respectful, and hones...
INFANTS WITH PHONES PROVE PARENTHOOD IS DEAD
By Lori Grimmace · 5/14/2026
## The Utter Absurdity of iPhones and Infants: A Grimmace Take Let’s be blunt. The question of whether babies *should* have iPhones isn't a question worth entertaining. It’s an indictment of modern p...
RUTABAGAS & REVOLUTION: Are iPhones Turning Babies Into ROBOTS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/29/2026
## Tiny Humans, Tiny Tech: Are iPhones for Infants?! – By Bronbus Quitley Okay, folks, settle in, because I’ve been *really* thinking about this one. Really thinking. I was at the grocery store yeste...
FUNERALS: WHERE COMMON SENSE GOES TO REST—AND HUMOR LIVES ON
By Ronald Peabody · 4/20/2026
## A Little Levity in Loss: Remembering the Funny Things Said at Farewells Now, I understand funerals are meant to be somber occasions. Times for reflection, for mourning, for… well, respecting the g...
Subject Finch Demonstrates Difficulty with the Accepted Forward Momentum of Occurrences
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/9/2026
## Local Man Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Confusion with the Sequential Nature of Information Dissemination; Fellow Humans Remain Unp...
Weakening Resolve: Is Bad Weather A Sign Of National Decline?
By Ronald Peabody · 4/5/2026
## A Dampening of the American Spirit? Cloudy Skies Over Grand Rapids Folks, let’s be honest. The weather… well, it’s *trying* to bring us down. Here in Heartside, Grand Rapids, we’re looking at a gr...
Unseasonable Storms Signal Decay of American Values
By Ronald Peabody · 4/5/2026
## A Chill in the Air and a Sign of the Times? Folks, let's talk about the weather. Not just the "what's it doing right now" kind of weather, but what it *means*. Now, I’ve been watching the skies fo...
GRAY SKIES, GRAY VALUES: Is Bad Weather Reflecting a National Decline?
By Ronald Peabody · 4/4/2026
## A Dampening of the American Spirit? Grand Rapids Braces for Unseasonable Storms Folks, I’m looking out my window here at the Jape News offices, and let me tell you, it’s…grey. Just plain grey. Not...
TECH PROMISES RUINED EVERYTHING.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/3/2026
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For Let’s be blunt. It's April 3rd, 2026, and the gleaming, frictionless utopia promised by every tech baron and “visionary” since the dawn of the internet? It's a la...