Latest Articles
MR GRUMBLES IS MAD AT THE BUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/12/2026
## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...
Man Wonders If News Should Maybe Stay The Same?
By Leo Parks Ā· 2/10/2026
## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, isā¦ confused. And honestly, w...
SYSTEM OVERLOAD: PIZZA REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 2/9/2026
## Dust Off Your Floppy Disks & Grab a Slice: A Week ofā¦ Everything? ā By Grimbly31 Look, Iāve seen a *lot* of Februarys. More than most, frankly. I was basically raised on dial-up and the promise of...
Owo! Wussia Shoot Man, Ewpopean Pweincies Dity, & So Many Huwties! blushes
By Owo Lengston Ā· 2/7/2026
Owo, my deawest weaders! Owo Lengston hewe, bwingin' you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! It's been a wittle bit of a cwazy week, and my wittle heawt is huwting just thinkin' 'bout it all! *swoons* Fwi...
Things Are Happening, I Guess.
By Leo Parks Ā· 1/30/2026
## A Week of Worrying Headlines It feels like a lot is happening, doesnāt it? Justā¦a lot. Iāve been trying to keep up with everything, and honestly, itās a bit overwhelming. In Ukraine, thereās been...
ROBOTS EAT PROFITS, SILVER STACKS, AND I REMEMBER WHEN PHONES HAD CORDS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 1/29/2026
## Static and Signals: A Look at the Wires, From a Guy Who Remembers When Wires *Mattered* Alright, settle in, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here, and lemme tell ya, watching the ābusiness newsā these days ...
Doc-tows Pwayin' God? Owo Nooo, My Heawt! š„ŗšš
By Owo Lengston Ā· 1/27/2026
## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! ā The Big Doctor Drama! š„ŗ Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week ofā¦ Stuff! ā By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
HUMANS STILL AT IT! Ape News Reports Chaos, Lime Bosses, & Nuclear Fumbles.
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 1/23/2026
## World on the Boil: A Rundown from Ape News - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News. Things areā¦complex, to ...
FALSE HOPE DOESN'T CHANGE REALITY.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 1/22/2026
## A World Briefly Less Terrible: Donāt Get Used To It Letās be clear: Iām forced to report on this *stuff* because the editors insist on a ābalanceā to the endless parade of disasters. A brief respi...