Latest Articles

Clowning's Decline: Another American Tradition Under Attack!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 12/16/2025
## The Dying Art of a True American Performer Folks, letās talk about something important. Something *real*. Something weāre letting slip away right before our eyes. Iām talking about clowns. Not the...

SLIME AND STUFF IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 12/16/2025
## Kids Are Doing WHAT?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom lets me write for Jape News sometimes. I've been watching all the kids at school, and stuff is⦠different now! Like, REA...

AUNT MILDRED'S TOMATOES PREDICTED THE ECONOMY & SEA SLUGS ARE STEALING ALL THE RUBBER!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/16/2025
## The Slightly Wobbly World Economy & Why My Aunt Mildred's Tomatoes Are to Blame ā By Bronbus Quitley Folks, let me tell you, things areā¦shifting. Not like, a tectonic plate shifting, though those ...

Snowboarding: Restore Tradition, Reclaim Control!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 12/16/2025
## A Return to Skill, A Rejection of Excess: Ten Snowboarding Maneuvers That Build Character Folks, letās talk snowboarding. Not the⦠*extreme* snowboarding you see on those cable channels, all flash...

SQUIRRELS, FUSION, AND WHERE ARE MY ROBOTS?!?!?
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/16/2025
## Where's My Jaeger? A Deep Dive into the Great Robot Delay By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Robotics Correspondent (and avid mecha enthusiast) Itās 2025, people! Twenty-twenty-FIVE! Do you know what ...

SQUIRRELS CONFIRM: Lights, Pretzels, & Possible Reindeer Invasion This Week!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/16/2025
## Bronbus Quitleyās Guide to Not Missing Out (Or, Whatās Happening This Week!) Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood purveyor of⦠well, *information*! And b...

NYE: BUFFER OVERFLOW OF SPARKLE & BAD CALLS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 12/16/2025
## Dusting Off the Sequins & Booting Up the Ballrooms: Whatās Happening This Week Look, Iāve been online since dial-up was considered *fast*. Iāve seen trends come and go, whole cultures blossom in m...

DIGITAL WORLD IS ON FIRE. FIX IT.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 12/16/2025
## The Digital World is Collapsing. Are You Paying Attention? Letās dispense with the pleasantries. The last 30 days havenāt been āchallengingā for cybersecurity. Theyāve been a full-blown, five-alar...

BEE CARPETS ARE REAL!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 12/14/2025
## Bee Carpets! By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iām Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I learned about⦠bee carpets! Not *made* of bees, donāt worry! That would be sticky. These carpets have pictures of b...

WET LUNGS, WEAK AMERICANS: The Vapor Fad Threatening Our Nation's Health!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 12/14/2025
## A Clear and Present Danger: The Troubling Trend of⦠Aqueous Inhalation Folks, Iāve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this⦠this is something new, and frankly, deeply concerning. Iā...