Latest Articles

By Owo Lengston · 12/11/2025

Owo, hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, bringin' you da scoop on da weatha today! *wiggles eyebrows* It's gonna be a *smokin'* hot day, wif a high of 70°F! Ooooh, dat's gettin' *warm*, isn't i...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/9/2025

## Snowpocalypse…Maybe? A Weather Report From Your Pal, Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your go-to guy for all things…well, all things! And today, folks, we’re ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/9/2025

## The Great Squirrel Uprising of '25 (and the Folks Trying to Stop It…Or Help It?) Folks, lemme tell ya, it’s been a *week*. A week of acorns, bushy tails, and frankly, a disturbing amount of tiny, ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 11/18/2025

## Is it Just Me, or Are Squirrels Predicting the Apocalypse? - A Weather Report (Sort Of) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* lowdown on today’s weather. Forget those stuffy m...

By Jerome Skinly · 11/12/2025

## WHOA! The SILLIEST Wrestling Moves EVER! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I LOVE wrestling! My dad lets me stay up kinda late sometimes to watch it with him. It's SO COOL! But I was thinking… some of the...

By Owo Lengston · 11/5/2025

uwu hi evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell u about da weatha! 🥺 Omygosh, it's kinda gloomy out today, like, *super* cloudy! It's 52°F wight now, which is a lil' chilly, and da wind is b...

By H.R. Rambe · 11/3/2025

## Ape News Flash: Squirrel Situation – From Television to Tiny Paws! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Today’s story is… surprisi...

By Lori Grimmace · 10/23/2025

## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Let’s be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The “feels like” temperature o...

By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025

## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It’s ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin’ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda… scawy? 😖 I used ...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/17/2025

## Do Birds... Toot? A Jape News Investigation **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent** For generations, a question has plagued humankind (and, let’s be honest, a good number of discerning ...