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HOT DOGS ARE SECRETLY WATERMELONS AND THE DALAI LAMA IS A PIGEON UNION BOSSāI HAVE PROOF!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/22/2025
## Is That a Sandwich in Your Hand? Orā¦ a Salad?! Bronbus Quitley Investigates the Great Hot Dog Conundrum Folks, let me tell you, I've seen a LOT in my time as a roving reporter for Jape News. I onc...
FUNERALS: A DISPLAY OF PATHETIC SELF-OBSESSION.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 8/22/2025
## The Descent into Darkness: A Catalog of Funeral Fails Letās be clear: funerals are not comedy hours. They are, ideally, moments of solemn remembrance. But humanity, in its infinite capacity for aw...
NEWGROUNDS STILL EXISTS & IS FULL OF ROOMBAS, RUST, & MY ASSISTANTāS CONFUSION!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/19/2025
## Hold on to Your Hats, Folks! Newgrounds is *Still* Doing Things! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright, settle in, because lemme tell ya, I just spent the lastā¦ well, letās just say *a while* digging throu...
BIRDS NO TOOT! APE NEWS FINDS TRUTH!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 8/18/2025
## Do Birds Toot? Ape News Investigates! **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent** For ages, a question has plagued ornithologists, puzzled picnickers, and frankly, occupied *my* considerabl...
CLOWNS ARE PATHETIC. FIX IT.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 8/15/2025
## The Painted Grin & The Rotting Joke Letās be blunt: most clowns today are *embarrassments*. Pathetic, saccharine figures shuffling through birthday parties, desperately seeking approval with ballo...
RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONSāPEACE RESTORED!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 8/15/2025
## Ape News: Rambe's Roundup of Human Cub Fun! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest intelligence from the world ofā¦ well, *your* world. As many of you know, I dedicate...
Well, Thatāsā¦Something.
By Leo Parks Ā· 8/13/2025
## Carrot Top Announces Presidential Bid, Promises āProps for Progressā **Las Vegas, NV ā August 13, 2025** ā In a move that hasā¦certainly gotten people talking, veteran comedian and prop comic Carro...
MOONTAKU FOUNDER: SECRETLY OBSESSED WITH VACUUMS (AND CHARTREUSE IS BETTER, OBVIOUSLY!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/13/2025
## Should We Challenge the Moon? Jape News Ponders a Rivalry with Moontaku! Good morning, Japers! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood newsā¦ well, *gatherer* really. Look, gathering is a ...
BEAVERS ARE PLOTTING AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL PROVED IT! (Plus, spontaneous pigeon combustion!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/12/2025
## Is the Weather Messing With *You*?! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, because the weather today? Hoo boy. Itās a doozy. Iām tellinā ya, the atmosphere is justā¦ *moody*. It's like it w...
š„ŗOwo! Funewal Talk is WILD & Makes Owo Blushies!~š¾š¤
By Owo Lengston Ā· 8/12/2025
## Owo's Top Ten Things Folks Say at Funewals (and Why They're Kinda Funny, Nya~) š¾ H-hewwo, d-darlings! It's Owo Lengston, yuwu favowite weeporter, and today we're diving into a topic that's...well...