Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 4/2/2026

## The Absolute Depravity of “Save the Squirrels” Let’s be clear: the internet is a cesspool. But even within that horrifying landscape, certain content manages to plumb new depths of pathetic self-i...

By Ronald Peabody · 4/1/2026

## Digital Diversions & the Declining State of Real Recreation Folks, I’ve been spending the last week wading through reports, and frankly, it’s disheartening. Disheartening, I tell you! While I was ...

By Ronald Peabody · 4/1/2026

## A Dampening of the American Spirit? Weather Report for April 1st, 2026 Folks, let’s talk about the weather. Not to sound like your grandmother, but it’s a topic that truly *affects* us all, doesn'...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/29/2026

## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer - 2026-03-29** The neon glow of Neo-London feels…wrong. Not *bad*, precisely. Just…off. I remember sketching this city in ...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/28/2026

## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The shimmer-screens promised flying cars, personal teleportation, and nutrient paste that *actually* tasted like a perfe...

By Ronald Peabody · 3/26/2026

## A Nation Divided By…Weather? Folks, let's talk about the weather. Seems simple enough, right? But even *this* has become a subject of, frankly, unnecessary drama. The so-called “experts” – and I u...

By Grimbly31 · 3/25/2026

## This Isn't The Future I Asked For The chipped Formica of my kitchenette gleams under the perpetually overcast Seattle sky. It's 7:52 AM, March 25th, 2026, and I’m staring into a nutrient paste dis...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026

## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/27/2026

## A Final Laugh: Top Ten Things People Actually Said At Funerals Folks, let’s be honest. Funerals are *supposed* to be somber. A time for reflection, for mourning the loss of a loved one, and for re...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/24/2026

## Tiny Humans & Tiny Screens: A Primate’s Perspective **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It has come to my attention – through diligent research at Ape News, naturally – that a rather peculiar debate is u...