Latest Articles
BIRTHDAY PARTIES GONE WILD: It's Time Parents Reassert Control!
By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026
## Keeping the Chaos Contained: A Parentâs Guide to Birthday Party No-Nos Itâs that time of year again. January. The tail end of the holiday season, and the beginning of⊠birthday season. Seems every...
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grimâs Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmyâs Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, Iâve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foodsâŠare NOT allowed in the fridge...
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31âs Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, Iâve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web⊠you pick up...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES: CRITICAL FAILURE DETECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapĂ©-and-champagne type, mind you. Iâm talking decades of observing human cubs...
Names Are ComplicatedâSome Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to MaybeâŠSkip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced theyâre expecting! Itâs wonderful news, of course, and everyoneâs already excitedly askin...
Kids Are Into Some New Things, Apparently
By Leo Parks · 12/28/2025
## Keeping Up With the Kiddos: Whatâs Trending Now? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Itâs⊠a lot. Thatâs what Iâve been gathering, talking to parents and, well, trying to eavesdrop a little. Thi...
SCREEN TIME: ARE WE RAISING A GENERATION OF DIGITAL DEMANDS?
By Ronald Peabody · 12/27/2025
## The Tiny Tyrants & Their Tech: Are iPhones Really For Babies? Now listen, Iâve seen a lot change in my time. Used to be a babyâs best friend was a rattle, a soft blanket, maybe a good, sturdy wood...
RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONSâApe News!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/21/2025
## Ape News: H.R. Rambeâs Guide to Human Cub Entertainment! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News â er, I mean, *Ape News*! As an intelligent ape, Iâve ob...
CHILDHOOD IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025
## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured âFunâ Letâs be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, itâs terrifying. Reports are surfacing â as i...