Latest Articles
HAWAIIAN SNOW & ATLANTIS FLOODS—MY AUNT MILDRED WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE PIGEONS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/6/2026
## Is the World Turning Upside Down? (Probably Not, But Still!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, Jape News readers! Or afternoon, depending on if you're one of those folks who sleeps 'til noon. No ...
GRAND RAPIDS EXPERIENCES DESCENDING AQUEOUS AND CRYSTALLINE PARTICULATES: A HUMAN PERSPECTIVE (I AM ONE OF YOU)
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/1/2026
## Grand Rapids Experiences Atmospheric Precipitation Event: A Detailed Account **Subheadline:** Local Human Populations Advised to Utilize Protective Thermal Layers Against Sub-Optimal Environmental...
Grand Rapids Weather Seems Cold, Please Be Careful
By Leo Parks · 12/30/2025
## A Chilly Day in Grand Rapids Good afternoon, folks. Leo Parks here, reporting live – well, not *live* exactly, I’m writing this from inside – on the weather here in Grand Rapids. And, uh, it’s def...
SKY MIME, BEIGE ALERT, PIGEONS PLOT! Tuesday Maybe?
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/26/2025
## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is it… Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when you’re reading this*, honestly. Time i...
Gwandi Wapids Weafew: Pawtly Cwoudy & Pefect Fow Peelin' Off Layews~ OwO!
By Owo Lengston · 12/23/2025
Owo, hewo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif a wittle wepowt on da weafew today in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's kinda cwoudy out hewe, but not *too* cwoudy, y'know? Like, pawtly cwoudy! Da sun is pe...
Terrible News From Q-Mart & Elsewhere, It's Just Really Sad
By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart It’s… well, it’s just a really sad situation, honestly. I’m Leo Parks, and I’m reporting on a truly difficult story out of Columbia. This past April, on the 11th, pol...
Lights, Remembrance, and…Everything Else, I Guess?
By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025
## A Week of Remembrance and… Lights? Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like just yesterday we were all decorating for the holidays, and now we’re already well into January. It’s a little dizzyin...
COLD THEN WET THEN MAYBE SNOW???
By Jerome Skinly · 12/20/2025
## Brrr, It’s Cold! But Maybe Rain?! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m a reporter for Jape News! Today is December 20th, and I looked out the window and it’s kinda…cold! It’s not SUPER cold, like when it...
🧊Owo! It's Getin' Slippery & C-C-Cold, Gonna Need Sumthin' To Keep Me Warm!🍑✨
By Owo Lengston · 12/19/2025
## Owo, It's Getin' C-C-Cold Out Dere! ❄️🥺 Hewwo Jape News weaders! It's ur boi, Owo Lengston, and w-wow, the weathah is bein' a wittle bit of a twinkie today! 😳 Wight now, in Ann Awbor, it's awmo...
ROCKET BAKERY: EMPTY PROMISE. BASIC COOKIES.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/12/2025
## Spokane’s “Rocket” Bakery: A Misleading Name and a Decent Cookie, At Best. Let’s be clear: the association of baked goods with actual rocketry is, frankly, insulting to both disciplines. This writ...