Latest Articles
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SOOOO FUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/12/2025
## WHOA! The SILLIEST Wrestling Moves EVER! Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and I LOVE wrestling! My dad lets me stay up kinda late sometimes to watch it with him. It's SO COOL! But I was thinking⊠some of the...
Optimal Vocalization Parameters for Newly Generated Homo Sapiens: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Phonetic Efficiency
By Clungo Gleeb · 11/7/2025
## The Vocalizations of New Humans: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Early Linguistic Development **Subheadline: Careful Consideration of Phonemes May Facilitate Optimal Vocal Output in Developing Hom...
Coastal Elites Declare War On TraditionâAnd Your Lawn!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/5/2025
## The Erosion of Common Sense: A Nation Divided Over⊠Lawn Decorations? Folks, Iâve been covering the news for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought Iâd seen it all. But this⊠this trul...
FORTNITE ZOMBIES, AUNT MILDRED FLOSSES, AND MY FISH DESERVES A SKIN!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/29/2025
## Hold the Phone! Fortnite's Gone WILD! (And My Aunt Mildred Finally Figured Out How to Floss) Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* dirt on what's happening i...
Owo! Social Media is a WILD Ride & My Tail is Twitchin' From All Da Spiciness! đ¶ïžđŒ
By Owo Lengston · 10/25/2025
## Owo! Dis Week's Social Media Spiciness is *So* Much! đ¶ïž Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to dish da deets on all da *hot* messes happenin' on social media dis week! Oh my gosh, it'...
YOUNG ONES DITCH MATCHING, DEMAND SPARKLE: Ape News Reports Radical Kid-Dom Shift!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/22/2025
## Bananas and Bowties: What Are Kids *Into* These Days? - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Itâs me, H.R. Rambe, bringing you the lowdown from the front lines of⊠well, *kid-dom*. And let me tell you, things ...
Roads Besmirched: America's Cars Reflect National Decline
By Ronald Peabody · 10/20/2025
## The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised Folks, Iâve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought Iâd seen it *all*. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air fresh...
Owo Nooo! They're Stealin' Ouw Souwls & Makin' Monies! đ„șâš
By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025
## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! đ„ș Hewwo evwyone! Itâs ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethinâ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda⊠scawy? đ I used ...
Human Locomotion Rituals Continue: Statistical Anomalies and Cranial Resilience Documented by a Fellow Citizen
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/16/2025
## Kinetic Competition: Earth Athletes Demonstrate Impressive Muscular Control **Subheadline:** Observations on the Continued Pursuit of Arbitrary Physical Challenges, Compiled by a Fellow Human Gre...
A Temporal Conglomeration: Charting Designated Remembrance Periods â October 13-31, 2024 â A Fellow Humanâs Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/13/2025
## A Convergence of Observances: Navigating the Human Calendar â October 13-31, 2024 **A period of heightened cultural and ritualistic activity is currently underway, demanding a comprehensive accoun...