Latest Articles
HUMAN INFANTS NOT BUILT FOR SHINY RECTANGLES - Ape News Confirms!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 2/24/2026
## Tiny Humans & Tiny Screens: A Primateās Perspective **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It has come to my attention ā through diligent research at Ape News, naturally ā that a rather peculiar debate is u...
SPACE BAKERY IS THE NEW META
By Grimbly31 Ā· 2/17/2026
## From Pixels to Pastries: When Baking Gets a Boost From Booster Rockets Look, I've seen some things. Raised on BBS boards and dial-up, Iāve witnessed tech evolve from blinking LEDs toā¦ well, *this*...
INFANTS WITH IPHONES PROVE PARENTHOOD IS DYING.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 2/14/2026
## The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a *baby* should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profoun...
NEW BRAINS AND FIRE CARDS!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/14/2026
## Stuff For Your Game Machine! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I like video games A LOT. My big brother tells me all about the stuff *inside* the game machines and it's kinda cool, but also REAL...
PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/5/2026
## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! Iām Jerome Skinly and Iām seven! Today I learned about pizzaā¦ and ROCKETS! Thereās a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...
Smart Devices: Are They Spying On You?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 2/4/2026
## Big Brother in Your Bedroom? What They *Donāt* Want You To Know About Your āSmartā Devices Folks, let's talk sense. We've all wondered, haven't we? You're sitting there, minding your own business,...
BABIES NEED GRABS NOT PHONES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/2/2026
## Babies and Shiny Phones? By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iām Jerome and Iām seven. My teacher, Miss Lily, said I could write for the news! Today I wanna talk about babies andā¦ iPhones. My cousin Leo just had...
Gaming in 2026: It's Like Digital Cheese & My Aunt Mildred is a Pro!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 1/29/2026
## Bronbus Quitleyās Totally Accurate (and Definitive) Guide to Whatās Happening in Gaming! Okay folks, buckle up! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert onā¦ well, everything, but *especially* vi...
ROBOTS EAT PROFITS, SILVER STACKS, AND I REMEMBER WHEN PHONES HAD CORDS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 1/29/2026
## Static and Signals: A Look at the Wires, From a Guy Who Remembers When Wires *Mattered* Alright, settle in, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here, and lemme tell ya, watching the ābusiness newsā these days ...
Rocket Ovens: Another Frivolous Trend Distracting From Real Progress?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 1/28/2026
## Rocket Bakery: A Blast From The Past, Fueling Our Future? Now, Iāve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But thisā¦ this is something else. Seems folks are getting downright ambitious with...