Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 11/21/2025

## The Rot Sets In: America Consumes Itself With Manufactured Outrage Let’s be clear: this isn’t about policy. It’s about performance. The latest government shutdown wasn’t a failure of governance, i...

By Ronald Peabody · 11/5/2025

## The Erosion of Common Sense: A Nation Divided Over… Lawn Decorations? Folks, I’ve been covering the news for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this trul...

By Ronald Peabody · 10/20/2025

## The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought I’d seen it *all*. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air fresh...

By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025

## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! 🥺 Hewwo evwyone! It’s ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin’ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda… scawy? 😖 I used ...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/30/2025

## A World in Flux: Observations from a Concerned Human Observer **Subheadline:** Reports indicate a sustained period of planetary agitation. A summary of recent developments, as perceived by a dedic...

By H.R. Rambe · 9/10/2025

## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It’s a curious thing, this future. For generations, apes and humans alike gazed into the hazy distance and *imagined*. Sleek silver v...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/6/2025

## The Glowing Rectangle and the Developing Human: A Discourse on Infant-iPhone Interaction **By Clungo Gleeb, Jape News Staff Writer** **September 6, 2025** – A query has circulated within human so...

By Grimbly31 · 9/1/2025

## Static on the Line: A World Tuning Out of Sync The signal’s always been fractured, hasn’t it? Even back when we were all jacked into bulletin boards and pixelated chatrooms, the world felt… glitch...

By Ronald Peabody · 8/29/2025

## The Crumbling of Civilization, One Broken Trinket at a Time Folks, let’s talk about a national epidemic. No, not inflation, though Lord knows that’s a problem. I’m talking about *carelessness*. A ...

By Lori Grimmace · 8/22/2025

## The Descent into Darkness: A Catalog of Funeral Fails Let’s be clear: funerals are not comedy hours. They are, ideally, moments of solemn remembrance. But humanity, in its infinite capacity for aw...