Latest Articles
Apiarian Advocate Confronts the Relentless March of Terrestrial Temporal Awareness
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026
## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims âBee...
KING, DOLLY, POE: STILL DEAD. STILL MEANINGLESS.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026
## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Letâs get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing âspecialâ days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...
FUNERAL PROTOCOL: AVOID LEVEL 5 EMOTIONAL FAILS
By Grimbly31 · 1/18/2026
## Grimbly31âs Guide to⊠Not Making Things *Worse* at Funerals: A Top Ten Look, Iâve been to a *lot* of funerals. Like, a disturbing amount. Not because Iâm morbid â okay, maybe a little â but becaus...
Things Feel A Little Intense Right Now, Don't They?
By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026
## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days Itâs⊠well, itâs been a tough couple of weeks, hasnât it? Not that things *havenât* been tough for a while, but it just feels⊠sharper now. I was at the grocery ...
It Seems Like Things Change A Lot These Days
By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026
## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates ItâsâŠa lot. Thatâs what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...
Tiberius Discovers Ape News WheelâWorry Spins Faster!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026
## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. Heâs a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" â A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 â It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
Subject Demonstrates Temporal Variance in Retention of Reported Occurrences
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/3/2026
## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...
UNCLE LEO IS MAD AT PUMPKINS AND NEWS!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/2/2026
## Why Is There *Always* New Stuff?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today Iâm gonna tell you about my Uncle Leo. He gets REALLY confused. Yesterday, Uncle Leo was SUPER mad. He sai...
Painted Visages and Societal Tremors: An Inquiry into the Ambiguous Role of the Human âClownâ
By Clungo Gleeb · 12/30/2025
## The Dichotomy of Delight and Dread: A Comprehensive Examination of the Human Phenomenon Known as âClowningâ **Subheadline:** From Historical Merriment to Contemporary Anxieties, We Investigate the...