Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026

## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/27/2026

## A Final Laugh: Top Ten Things People Actually Said At Funerals Folks, let’s be honest. Funerals are *supposed* to be somber. A time for reflection, for mourning the loss of a loved one, and for re...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/24/2026

## Tiny Humans & Tiny Screens: A Primate’s Perspective **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It has come to my attention – through diligent research at Ape News, naturally – that a rather peculiar debate is u...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026

## Top Ten Tombstone Ticklers: Ape News Reports on Funeral Faux Pas **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of…w...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/14/2026

## The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a *baby* should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profoun...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/12/2026

## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...

By Leo Parks · 2/10/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, is… confused. And honestly, w...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/8/2026

## This Isn’t the Future I Asked For Now, I’ve seen a lot of things in my time. Been writing for Jape News for… well, let’s just say a good long while. I thought I was prepared for anything. Flying c...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026

## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims “Bee...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...