Latest Articles

BIRTHDAYS GONE WILD! Ape News Says Humans Ruin Joy With Shiny Things!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/2/2025
## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primateās Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention ā and frankly, it deeply disturbs me ā the state of modern birthday parties. ...

NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...

NOPE NAMES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 9/9/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby *That*! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News. My teacher, Mrs. Gable, said it's important to pick GOOD names for babies. So, I looked at a LOT o...

BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 9/7/2025
## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to What *Not* To Do Letās be blunt: far too many childrenās birthday parties are exercises in parental overcompensation and, frankly, kid torture disguised ...

NO NUMBERS OR HURRICANES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 8/31/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby That! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News! Today I learned about names. Like, what you *canāt* name your baby. Itās kinda weird, right? You thi...

RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONSāPEACE RESTORED!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 8/15/2025
## Ape News: Rambe's Roundup of Human Cub Fun! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest intelligence from the world of⦠well, *your* world. As many of you know, I dedicate...

Smores Elephants Lazy Days!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 8/11/2025
## Hi! It's Jerome Skinly Here! News Time! (August 11, 2025) Hi everybody! It's me, Jerome! I'm seven and I write for Jape News! This week is REALLY busy with lots of days to remember! My mom says it...

Rediscovering Real Childhood: Reclaim Family Values Before Itās Too Late!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 8/8/2025
## Keeping Your Kids Engaged: Old-Fashioned Fun in a Modern World Folks, it seems like just yesterday our youngsters were learning to tie their shoes, and now theyāre practically teenagers! Where doe...

SPACE HAMSTERS! BOING! FUN!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 8/4/2025
## Wow! I Saw "Space Hamsters from Planet Zoom!" Hi! Iām Jerome Skinly, and Iās a writer for Jape News! My teacher says I need to write about movies! I just saw āSpace Hamsters from Planet Zoom!ā It ...

SUN'S HIDING! PLAY TIME!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 7/8/2025
## The Weather Today! By Jerome Skinly! Hi everybody! Itās me, Jerome! Iām writing for Jape News! Today I learned about the weather! The weather channel says it's 80 degrees! Thatās pretty warm! An...