Latest Articles
Owo! Gwandi Wapids Wif Smol Humies = So Much Fun & Maybe a Nap Fow You? 😉✨
By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026
## Owo! Grand Rapids Fun Wif Ur Smol Humies! ✨ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you plan sum *weawwy* good times wif yer totally human childwens! It can be hawd, wight? Dey need...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES GONE WILD: It's Time Parents Reassert Control!
By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026
## Keeping the Chaos Contained: A Parent’s Guide to Birthday Party No-Nos It’s that time of year again. January. The tail end of the holiday season, and the beginning of… birthday season. Seems every...
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grim’s Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmy’s Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
Names Are Complicated—Some Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybe…Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced they’re expecting! It’s wonderful news, of course, and everyone’s already excitedly askin...
RAMBE FINDS HUMAN CUB DISTRACTIONS—Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/21/2025
## Ape News: H.R. Rambe’s Guide to Human Cub Entertainment! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News – er, I mean, *Ape News*! As an intelligent ape, I’ve ob...
Michigan Families Rediscover Timeless Christmas Values!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/9/2025
## A Time for Tradition and Togetherness Folks, can you believe it’s already mid-December? Seems like just yesterday we were raking leaves, and now the Christmas spirit is truly in the air. It's a wo...
Optimal Vocalization Parameters for Newly Generated Homo Sapiens: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Phonetic Efficiency
By Clungo Gleeb · 11/7/2025
## The Vocalizations of New Humans: A Discourse on Nomenclature and Early Linguistic Development **Subheadline: Careful Consideration of Phonemes May Facilitate Optimal Vocal Output in Developing Hom...
BIRTHDAYS GONE WILD! Ape News Says Humans Ruin Joy With Shiny Things!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025
## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primate’s Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention – and frankly, it deeply disturbs me – the state of modern birthday parties. ...
NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...
NOPE NAMES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/9/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby *That*! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News. My teacher, Mrs. Gable, said it's important to pick GOOD names for babies. So, I looked at a LOT o...