Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 4/7/2026

## A History of Honks and Horror: The Enduring Enigma of the Clown **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** 2026-04-07 – For millennia, they’ve tumbled, tripped, and teased. They’ve sparked joy, ins...

By Jerome Skinly · 4/7/2026

## Super Mario is…Okay? By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I went to see a movie! It was the new Mario movie! The one with, like, all the stars? It's called *The Super Mario Galaxy Movie* and it was...

By H.R. Rambe · 4/6/2026

## Ape News: A Week of Celebrations – From Felines to Fine Ales! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on all the noteworthy events unfolding this w...

By H.R. Rambe · 4/6/2026

## Ape News Roundup: A Week of Remembrance, Recreation & Refreshments! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. It’s 2026-04-06, and a busy week...

By Bronbus Quitley · 3/31/2026

## Hold the Mayo! It’s a Whirlwind of Weirdness This Week! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, is it a *week*. My Aunt Mildred – she raises pri...

By Ronald Peabody · 3/28/2026

## The Rising Tide of Decadence and…Squid Worship? A Concerned Citizen Reports Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A lot. And I thought I’d seen it all – the avocado toast craze, the you...

By Jerome Skinly · 3/11/2026

## Clowns are...Old? By Jerome Skinly Okay so, my teacher Ms. Davis said we had to write about something. I picked clowns! Because they are funny! But also… kinda spooky? My mom said clowns have bee...

By Leo Parks · 3/4/2026

## A Quiet Observation on… Well, Clowns It’s been a bit of a strange week, honestly. Everyone’s been *talking* about clowns. Not, like, scary clowns, thankfully. Just… clowns. I overheard Mrs. Gable ...

By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026

## Cthulhu: An Overrated Squib Let’s be brutally honest, shall we? Cthulhu. The name rolls off the tongues of every second-rate horror author and basement-dwelling “mythos expert,” but the creature i...

By Grimbly31 · 2/9/2026

## Dust Off Your Floppy Disks & Grab a Slice: A Week of… Everything? – By Grimbly31 Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of Februarys. More than most, frankly. I was basically raised on dial-up and the promise of...