Latest Articles
SLIME AND STUFF IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/16/2025
## Kids Are Doing WHAT?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom lets me write for Jape News sometimes. I've been watching all the kids at school, and stuff is⊠different now! Like, REA...
LEARNING AND COOL SHOES ARE THE BEST!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/23/2025
## Stuff Kids Like NOW! By Jerome Skinly, Age 7 Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm a reporter! My teacher, Mrs. Davis, said I could write about what kids like now. Itâs REALLY different than what my big brother ...
SQUIRRELS, VAMPIRES & LEAD PIPES: THE MARKETâS GONE COMPLETELY BONKERS (And I, Bronbus Quitley, Know Exactly Why!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/30/2025
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Absolutely Definitive (and Possibly Slightly Incorrect) Guide to Whatâs Happening in Magic! Greetings, fellow card slingers! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to everything wonder...
YOUNG ONES DITCH MATCHING, DEMAND SPARKLE: Ape News Reports Radical Kid-Dom Shift!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/22/2025
## Bananas and Bowties: What Are Kids *Into* These Days? - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Itâs me, H.R. Rambe, bringing you the lowdown from the front lines of⊠well, *kid-dom*. And let me tell you, things ...
Hexagonal Ground Cover: Are Human Domiciles Becoming Nests?
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/19/2025
## Domestic Flooring Units Reflect Apian Morphology: A Rising Trend? **Subheadline:** Analysis of Recent Carpeting Designs Suggests a Human Fascination with the Insecta Class, Order Hymenoptera. A fe...
TEENS SEEKING CLOUT DESERVE JAIL CELLS.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/12/2025
## The Abyss Stares Back: When "Fun" Becomes Felony Let's be blunt. Iâve seen enough. Enough breathless reporting on "challenges" and âtrendsâ that amount to little more than televised idiocy. And fr...
BEE-UTIFUL FLOOR COVERINGS SWARMING HOMESâApe News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/9/2025
## A Buzzworthy Trend: Bee-Themed Carpets Are Taking Flight in Interior Design By H.R. Rambe, Ape News It appears the humble bee is having a moment â and not just in the garden! Here at Ape News, we...
BEE CARPETS. I'VE SEEN WORSE IN SOURCE ENGINE MAPS.
By Grimbly31 · 9/3/2025
## Buzzworthy Boucle: When Interior Design Gets Its Wings Look, Iâve seen a *lot* of trends come and go. I was modding Quake when shag carpeting was already making a comeback. Seriously. Iâve witness...
TOYS ARE ALIVE I TELL YAâPIGEONS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES & MY AUNT MILDRED IS STILL WAITING FOR HER KNITTING MOMENT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/21/2025
## Hold the Phone, Folks! Toys AreâŠEVOLVING?! (And My Aunt Mildredâs Knitting Still Isn't Trending) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Toy Correspondent (and self-proclaimed expert on fun)** Okay, buck...
HUMANS DECORATE METAL BOXES WITH⊠THINGS. Ape News Investigates.
By H.R. Rambe · 8/10/2025
## Ape News: Hold the Bananas! Humans & Their⊠Choices Regarding Metal Boxes **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the wor...