Latest Articles
STOP FRIDGE FOOLERY! APE NEWS REVEALS WHAT NOT TO CHILL!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/22/2026
## Ape News: Stop Chilling What Shouldnât Be! â A Guide to Proper Food Storage **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you vital intelligence ...
FALSE HOPE DOESN'T CHANGE REALITY.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026
## A World Briefly Less Terrible: Donât Get Used To It Letâs be clear: Iâm forced to report on this *stuff* because the editors insist on a âbalanceâ to the endless parade of disasters. A brief respi...
Please Be Careful With Bongs, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 1/21/2026
## A Word to the Wise: Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, this is a little awkward to write about, honestly. But itâs important, so here we are. I was chatting wit...
YOUR FRIDGE IS A FROSTY TYRANNY & OLD MAN TIBERIUS KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT KETCHUP!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/21/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's BOMBSHELL Report: Your Fridge is a LIE! (And Probably Killing Your Ketchup) Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, Iâve stumbled onto something HUGE. Bigger than the G...
SNOW SNOW MAYBE A DAY OFF?!?!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/20/2026
## Snow Day Maybe?! Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and Iâm seven! Today the weather is⊠kinda crazy. Itâs snowing RIGHT NOW! But Mommy said it might stop before eleven oâclock. Thatâs when cartoons start! I h...
EPIC'S DIGITAL FLEA MARKET: STILL ALIVE, STILL CHAOS.
By Grimbly31 · 1/20/2026
## Dusting Off the Rig: Whatâs Happening in Fortnite, and Why You Should (Maybe) Care Look, Iâve been online since dial-up was a *good* time. Iâve seen games rise and fall, entire communities built a...
APE NEWS: WALLS NOT LISTENINGâBUT STAY VIGILANT!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/20/2026
## Are Your Walls Have Ears? Ape News Investigates Smart Device Snooping **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** For years, a nagging worry has echoed through our homes â are our smart devices *lis...
APE NEWS: Digital Jungle Swarming With ThreatsâPatch Now!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/20/2026
## Ape News: A Jungle of Cyber Threats â January 20th, 2026 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the digital jungle in this Ape News bulletin. Itâs a wild time ou...
Owo, Da Wesslin' Moves Awe Makin' Me Blush & Giggle! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 1/20/2026
## Owo, Da Moves Are So SILLY! - By Owo Lengston Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tawlk about sumfin *weally* impowtant. Like, vewy, vewy impowtant. It's about wessling moves! But n...
Robots Are Hard To Make, Apparently, But That's Probably Fine.
By Leo Parks · 1/19/2026
## Where Are All the Robots? It feels like in every sci-fi movie, by now, we should all have a robot. Maybe not a *giant* robot, necessarily, but⊠something, right? A helper? A friend? Something that...