Latest Articles
YOUNG HUMANS DITCH SHINE FOR MUD, AI & TINY TRIBES – Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/16/2026
## The Young Primate Pack: What’s REALLY Happening With Today’s Kids - A Dispatch From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent, Ape News (or, as we call it, Ape News)** Greetings, fellow prim...
Owo! Gwandi Wapids Wif Smol Humies = So Much Fun & Maybe a Nap Fow You? 😉✨
By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026
## Owo! Grand Rapids Fun Wif Ur Smol Humies! ✨ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you plan sum *weawwy* good times wif yer totally human childwens! It can be hawd, wight? Dey need...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES GONE WILD: It's Time Parents Reassert Control!
By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026
## Keeping the Chaos Contained: A Parent’s Guide to Birthday Party No-Nos It’s that time of year again. January. The tail end of the holiday season, and the beginning of… birthday season. Seems every...
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grim’s Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmy’s Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foods…are NOT allowed in the fridge...
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31’s Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, I’ve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web… you pick up...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES: CRITICAL FAILURE DETECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapé-and-champagne type, mind you. I’m talking decades of observing human cubs...
Names Are Complicated—Some Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybe…Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced they’re expecting! It’s wonderful news, of course, and everyone’s already excitedly askin...
Kids Are Into Some New Things, Apparently
By Leo Parks · 12/28/2025
## Keeping Up With the Kiddos: What’s Trending Now? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer It’s… a lot. That’s what I’ve been gathering, talking to parents and, well, trying to eavesdrop a little. Thi...
SCREEN TIME: ARE WE RAISING A GENERATION OF DIGITAL DEMANDS?
By Ronald Peabody · 12/27/2025
## The Tiny Tyrants & Their Tech: Are iPhones Really For Babies? Now listen, I’ve seen a lot change in my time. Used to be a baby’s best friend was a rattle, a soft blanket, maybe a good, sturdy wood...