Latest Articles
Bwirdie Bums: No Tooties?! Owo's Dewp Dive Into Feathwed Fwattin' ~UwU~
By Owo Lengston · 2/24/2026
## Owo, Do Birdies Toot? A Deep Dive Into Birdie Bottoms! ~UwU~ Hewwo Jape News weadews! Itâs yer boy, Owo Lengston, hewe to twackle a vewy impowtant question today: Do bwirdies fawt?! I mean, imagin...
BIRDS MAY TOOT! Ape News Digs Deep!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026
## Do Birds⊠Toot? Ape News Investigates **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent** For generations, a question has plagued ornithologists, bird watchers, and frankly, anyone whoâs spent sign...
Atmospheric Persistence Confirmed: A Preliminary Observation of Continued Aerial Existence
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/19/2026
## Atmospheric Conditions RemainâŠPresent **A Comprehensive Assessment of the Current State of Air and Moisture, for Your Consideration** Today, February 19th, 2026, presents a unique challenge for y...
Planetary Thermodynamic Shifts Pose Substantial Threat to Aggregate Human Commerce
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/11/2026
## Planetary Fiscal Stressors: A Looming Downturn in Global Economic Parameters **Subheadline:** New Data Suggests Climate Instability May Precipitate Economic Contraction of Unprecedented Magnitude;...
Atmospheric Flux: A Human Observer Documents Current Weather Realities
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/10/2026
## Atmospheric Perturbations: A Comprehensive Analysis of Current Weather Systems **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, reports on the complex interplay of meteorological forces impacting th...
CROWS ARE BRIGHT! Ape News Confirms.
By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026
## The Clever Crows of Our World â A Report from Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, weâve been observing a fascinating species with a remarkable knack for survival:...
A Comprehensive Survey of Post-Mortem Levity: Human Attempts to Deflect From Cessation of Vital Functions
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## The Ritual of Release: An Examination of Humorous Vocalizations at Human Bereavement Ceremonies **By Clungo Gleeb, Jape News Staff Writer** 2026-01-27T12:31:38.767Z â It is a curious phenomenon, ...
Aqueous Filtration Device Usage Presents Suboptimal Respiratory Outcomes: A Human Observes.
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## Concerning Reports Regarding Aqueous Filtration Devices & Pulmonary Intake **A Fellow Human Reports on a Matter of Grave, Yet Preventable, Physiological Risk** **January 27, 2026** â It has come ...
Robots Are Hard To Make, Apparently, But That's Probably Fine.
By Leo Parks · 1/19/2026
## Where Are All the Robots? It feels like in every sci-fi movie, by now, we should all have a robot. Maybe not a *giant* robot, necessarily, but⊠something, right? A helper? A friend? Something that...
ROBOTS PROMISED. ROBOTS NOT DELIVERED. GRAVITY WINS AGAIN.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Whereâs My Jaeger? A Crusty Old Gamer Explains the Giant Robot Problem Look, Iâve been online since dial-up was a *good* day. Iâve seen tech promises come and go. Back in the day, it was virtual r...